God works in mysterious ways. That’s why I don’t question God’s plan for me. I merely pick and choose from the parts of it that justify my incredibly narrow view of the world. That said, I will totally question God’s plan for anyone who is even the least bit different than me.

Let’s start off with a parable. I once knew a gay guy that I didn’t feel comfortable around. You see, God gave me those uncomfortable feelings to teach me a lesson about openness and understanding. I learned that I had to be open to God’s plan for me, and to understand that God gave me these feelings because gay equals icky. Praise be.

Or how about when God created COVID to specifically get back at liberals for irritating me, personally? Thanks again for that one, Big Guy. Few people understand that God definitely had enough of these Democrats and their performative progressivism, and that’s why he invented a virus that affected the entire world in order to take out as many people as possible regardless of political affiliation. We can’t question God’s intention. We can only attach meaning to it that somehow always aligns with the beliefs I want to be true after the fact.

Anyway, as a lifelong Catholic or Christian (one of those), I’m simply more qualified to know what God is thinking. You’re probably thinking that my interpretation of an all-knowing and limitless God sounds a lot like a closed-minded and petty human whose development prematurely ended in middle school, instead of an entity that is so advanced that we humans couldn’t possibly begin to comprehend its power.

But you have to remember that God is made in man’s image. Specifically my image. I can’t remember the exact Bible verse that goes over that, but it means I know exactly what He’s thinking at all times. Thank goodness it always reinforces what I already knew.