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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mouatj on 2023-06-26 10:53:29+00:00.

One of my childhood best friends (24M) that I grew up with and have known since middle school told me (24F) over text message kind of abruptly that he no longer is willing to hang out 1 on 1 because he is engaged now. I messaged my other good friend about it (also a 24M, the three of us have grown up together), since I didn’t know how to respond/react. He immediately messaged my friend asking why he made the decision to tell me this in this manner, and my friend stated he feels the optics of hanging out 1 on 1 with another woman would not look good. I feel hurt and confused, especially since I would never ever dream of standing in between someone’s marriage. I responded and said this would be ok and that I respect his boundaries, which I do. But I’m realizing that I also command a level of respect from my friendships, and this feels like he doesn’t trust me after all this time. I can’t get over the fact that “optics” would be placed above a lifelong friendship. His fiancée is super kind and wonderful, and I have really enjoyed getting to know her. I don’t really know how to feel, especially considering we made plans well before I came to town. He still lives in our hometown, but I have moved away and only get about 2-3 weeks of vacation time off from my job/year. I want to flat out ask if it’s now even going to be appropriate to call him and catch up, to confide certain things in him, to be able to hang out with him and other female friends. He’s felt very distant since stating this relationship and I am trying to be mindful and respectful. I don’t want to cause any amount of drama, but this whole thing feels very antiquated. I have plenty of close guy friends that I hang out with in close proximity despite the fact they are dating other people/are engaged. It’s never been an issue. I’m now just angry and hurt, and questioning if I even have the energy to keep up this friendship. I want to speak my mind and not let this slide past, but I’m prone to overreacting about things and I’m not sure how to go about this. Am I in the wrong for feeling blindsided, for wanting to explicitly ask what tf our friendship is going to look like now??? Is it an overstep to ask if he and his fiancée made the decision together? I want to be nothing but respectful of boundaries, but I just feel deeply hurt that he wouldn’t trust me after all of these years.