I battle with tiredness quite a lot.
I’ve been asking myself where the fatigue is coming from recently, in an effort to alleviate it.
The main factor I’ve identified involves the permanent tension that exists between the “you” who you feel you are and the “you” you manifest.
There’s nothing startling or supernatural in this of course - feeling pressure to act a certain way in defiance of your true feelings is pretty universal. I think that once you start to veer away from physicalism, though, there’s a greater disparity between “internal” you and “external” you.
At any rate, having identified this as a big mental energy suck, I’m now trying to behave in a way that feels more consistent with my internal vision of myself/the world.
In this respect, the tiredness has almost become a pointer - whatever I’m confronted with, there’s a course of action, or a way of thinking, or a way of being that I feel I can “rest with” internally. That’s the best that I can describe it. I’d describe the opposite feeling as a mixture of debilitation and demotivation. Considering the difficulties associated with knowing one’s own mind and desires, it’s a useful tool to have.
Having decided on whatever path or action I can “rest with”, the next step is obviously following through, and this brings its own, different tensions. I think worrying about your public persona is one of the hardest physicalist hang-ups to shake, and, as a subjective idealist, some of the courses of action that feel “restful” to me look crazy to an average person. So there’s that to battle, but I’d still say that the fatigue that comes with fighting the stress of worrying whether you look like a crazy person is preferable to the deep internal exhaustion that comes from trying to smother your ideal self.
The other reason it’s exhausting is because it runs you up against the apparent physical world. Sometimes the restful path is “look different,” “stop being cold,” etc. But it’s not a bad thing, I think, for these thoughts to become reflexive, and to replace the current reflex, which goes something like:
- dissatisfying experience
- “What a pity change is impossible.”
- “Wait, maybe it isn’t impossible!”
“Resting in Yourself”
Originally posted by u/BraverNewerWorld on 2017-03-19 23:06:26 (609r2w).
This is a great post IMO. Simple but crucial. I do slightly disagree with its conclusion, but I’ll get there in a moment.
If I’m reading it with the intention with which it was written, it gets at a point covered (in fewer words) in the Dao De Jing:
“Colors blind the eye; sounds deafen the ear; flavors numb the taste; thoughts weaken the mind; desires wither the heart.”
The sensory experience will gladly remain on autopilot. It doesn’t require anything of you. You can go on talking and eating and thinking without giving it a moment’s consideration. I’ll sometimes experience whole days before I realize - I haven’t consented to any of this at all! I’ve just allowed it to happen! How can it be a wonder if I have tension or anxiety if I haven’t even attempted to oversee my own actions?
Better to make conscious, deliberate decisions. Better to, with self-awareness and presence, be decisive and discerning. Like a wild animal, you can tame your habits, reprogramming the autopilot. Slowly it becomes less likely to lead you down weird directions. That seems to be your advice and conclusion. Which is accurate and I agree. Nevertheless, I want to clarify that even if your autopilot is very clever, it has an endless capacity for running astray, and every time some new idea or experience enters in, you shouldn’t just rely on a well-trained autopilot to handle that. Developing restful paths is not quite a replacement for diligent mindfulness. But it’s certainly a great tool in the arsenal of the imperfect practitioner.
Originally commented by u/Utthana on 2017-04-12 19:50:56 (dg5oldu)
The sensory experience will gladly remain on autopilot. It doesn’t require anything of you. You can go on talking and eating and thinking without giving it a moment’s consideration.
I’ve actually run into the opposite problem, I’ll go the whole day deciding everything I am consciously aware of. While this sounds like the ideal this mode seems to limit “others.” What I mean by that is it almost seems like I have to make the next conscious decision before the “others” are able to execute their next action. I wouldn’t even mind, but they seem to be giving me feedback that leads me to believe this is inconvenient for them. Again, not really a big deal but they seem to start congregating around me while this is occurring…
Better to make conscious, deliberate decisions. Better to, with self-awareness and presence, be decisive and discerning.
Ah, I’m glad you mention presence. I almost feel that it may be my presence that is disorienting the others. Is this the information you are sharing in your presence? That you are decisive and discerning?
I also agree with your conclusion, it’s a great tool but I feel I would rather not put the training wheels back on… so to speak…
Originally commented by u/Scew on 2017-04-21 03:40:24 (dgivsdz)
One physicalist explanation might be that you are actually distinguishing between your autonomic and sympathetic nervous system.
People who are returning from highly sympathetic states to more autonomic ones often experience what you’re describing.
I think worrying about your public persona is one of the hardest physicalist hang-ups to shake.
As i experience it, the issue is more that it is important for you to be understood, for others to see that you are worthwhile. The process of bringing another person to such a place where they esteem you with the value you esteem yourself is certainly not immediate, nor linear.
Its almost paradoxical to not care, actually, and actually i think its important you do care. You’re caring helps you register contextual urgency, forcing you to act, and better yourself in the process, thereby manifesting your new self.
Originally commented by u/[deleted] on 2017-05-11 17:14:03 (dheu2o1)