Incorrect:

  • “Service”, when the point is to bar you from owning things, especially media

Correct:

  • Nickel-and-diming

  • Taking content hostage

Incorrect:

  • Giving consumer the choice (e.g. car seat heating subscriptions)

Correct:

  • Attempt to fuck the customer

Incorrect:

  • Microtransactions

Correct:

  • Exchanging money for fuck all

Incorrect:

  • Recurring user spending

Correct:

  • Dystopian nightmare

  • Alternatively, just skip words and slap anyone who uses that phrase unironically

Incorrect:

  • Free with subscription

Correct:

  • Lol look at the morons paying forever without ever owning anything. Hey let’s unplug the servers and tell the consumers to check their internet connection. That’s always a blast!