This got me confused
Why didn’t just Tom wear the Ring as he makes passionate love with his wife, so he can force Sauron to watch.
Sauron, who is a virgin, who never had a gf and was dismembered and reduced to a giant eye by a fucking human would realize he is nothing compared to Tom, whose girth is beyond even Eru Ilúvatar’s comprehension.
Wishing to die but unable to kill himself as he doesn’t even have a fucking hand to pull the trigger, he would order his orc armies to piss on him, so that the flames of his eye can be extinguished and his mind can be set free of Tom’s all encompassing girth. His spirit would be released to the boundless void that ripples and contorts with Tom’s mighty thrusts and he would find no solace.
When Tom thrusts his final thrust and shoots a billion Bombadillos deep into Goldberry’s loins, the impact would shatter Sauron’s soul into a billion Saurodillos and he would be free. When this happens, not even the wisest can tell.
ರ╭╮ರ
this is probably one of the strangest LOTR fics I’ve seen
Where is it stated he was a virgin? He used to be able to change his appearance at will. Pretty sure he got laid with every sentient species in Middle earth and probably some non-sentient as well.
He did get left on read by Galadriel, so it’s certainly possible if he tried at all, but there’s also nothing to say he did other than that.
But he is a demon-analogue so anything goes. Asexual being? Sure. Hypersexual being? Also sure.
Hey Tom ho hum Tom bombadillo!
Sauron’s gonna get my foot up his asshole.
I miss the Tom Bombadil bot :C
They’re was a Tom Bombadil bot?
On reddit, yeah. You could summon a song.
Book 1: The Wrath of Bombadil
It’s twenty pages long of pure natural fury, roots choking goblins and orcs and storms of lightning exploding Sauron’s towers.
There are no further volumes.
It’d be a 30-minute episode at this point.
What what, who who, dare dare, called OUR FAIR LADY A HO, HO?!
Excluding Tom Bombadil from the movies was a really good adaptation decision. His existence waters down the power of the one ring.
I think this video explored Tom v Sauron, and if not this video, the other Tom Bombadil video by same channel.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/w-I-Nn78yYw?si=BZzFinoj4v1eU9ku
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
