This reminds me of the many stories I have heard of family gatherings; the women all prep food and cook while the men drink beers and watch sports or talk about their work. Men who tried to help their wives in the kitchen got weird looks, and women who didn’t feel comfortable playing the role of tradwife got scolded and shunned.
The misogyny is ingrained in those families, so much so that the women do not recognize it and instead take pride in their ‘role.’ It brings them comfort to exist in a space where their contribution is both defined and ‘valued,’ despite the ‘role’ existing as a result of misogyny. Attempts to change these expectations are seen as undermining the importance of their ‘roles’ and thus treated like affronts to their contributions.
Yeah that doesn’t fly in my household. I do all the cooking for gatherings, yes, doing as much mise en place as possible, not wrecking the kitchen but towards the end always of course there is mess.
Then I make myself a drink and ask the guys to do a round of dishes/cleaning. Then we eat and then someone else does the dishes and cleans the kitchen.
So yes there are “roles” but it’s more like shifts, I’m very good at cooking but a disinterested housekeeper at best so my husband handles most of the kitchen cleaning. I just try not to be an asshole and completely wreck the kitchen while cooking.
This reminds me of the many stories I have heard of family gatherings; the women all prep food and cook while the men drink beers and watch sports or talk about their work. Men who tried to help their wives in the kitchen got weird looks, and women who didn’t feel comfortable playing the role of tradwife got scolded and shunned.
The misogyny is ingrained in those families, so much so that the women do not recognize it and instead take pride in their ‘role.’ It brings them comfort to exist in a space where their contribution is both defined and ‘valued,’ despite the ‘role’ existing as a result of misogyny. Attempts to change these expectations are seen as undermining the importance of their ‘roles’ and thus treated like affronts to their contributions.
And so the cycle continues…
Yeah that doesn’t fly in my household. I do all the cooking for gatherings, yes, doing as much mise en place as possible, not wrecking the kitchen but towards the end always of course there is mess. Then I make myself a drink and ask the guys to do a round of dishes/cleaning. Then we eat and then someone else does the dishes and cleans the kitchen.
So yes there are “roles” but it’s more like shifts, I’m very good at cooking but a disinterested housekeeper at best so my husband handles most of the kitchen cleaning. I just try not to be an asshole and completely wreck the kitchen while cooking.