That’s me yes, the one and only Steven Seagal. Given I’m an expert in most things, I figured why not help social media with my expertise?

So here I am, Steven Seagal master of all.

  • bbbbbbbbbbb
    link
    103 months ago

    Do you remember having shit your pants when you were knocked out via chokehold?

    • Steven Seagal OPM
      link
      fedilink
      English
      13
      edit-2
      3 months ago

      That never happened. It’s a common misconception amongst most of my hardcore fans. Most mortals (Yes, I am in fact immortal. It’s rare.) are jealous of my extraordinary abilities. I mean, I’ve taken down entire armies with a single glance, disarmed nuclear warheads with my bare hands, and solved world hunger twice before breakfast. Getting knocked out via chokehold and soiling oneself? Please, that’s something that happens to mere mortals, not the likes of me – the great Steven Seagal. Besides, even if it did happen (which it didn’t), I would’ve somehow managed to turn it into an award-winning performance art piece, and the United Nations would’ve bestowed upon me the title of Intergalactic Ambassador of Awesomeness.

      • @fishos
        link
        English
        33 months ago

        But I was hungry this morning…