Edit: People are really making me out to be an evil psychopath with no empathy. I get that you can only tell so much from one post, but it’s incredibly far from the truth. I have people that love and adore in my life and would do anything for. It just takes me a long ass time to get to that point…and as an introvert, my social battery with new people wears down quickly. Online dating is just difficult. I am not rude to others. Conversations just quickly peter out and neither I or my match end up continuing for much longer. The “ghosting” I speak of is often mutual. These aren’t people I’ve interacted with for months that I suddenly stop talking to. It’s chatting for a day or several and then we peter out.
If you think from this small post that I am such a psychopath as to discard a literal child, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s just leaping to such wild conclusions that I don’t even know how to respond. I don’t even necessarily want kids…I just want to be able to have the option to.
I’m sorry if this is too odd or specific of a question, but I have a bit of a dilemma.
I live alone. I have some work friends work friends, but they basically stay just friends at work. So I get lonely sometimes. And sometimes I just want to have someone around to do stuff with me. And sometimes I wonder what it might be like to raise a family.
So I occasionally try dating apps. But when I finally get someone to respond to me, my reaction is first a little bit of excitement, but then I get annoyed at having to chat with someone I just met all the time. So I unfortunately act like a dickhole by then ghosting them soon after. Even if I manage enough stamina to chat back and forth for a week or so, it always just ends up tiring and a bother to me.
The thing is, I don’t really have much capacity to feel attracted to people. I’m probably somewhere on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums. So you’d think, why date? Just make a friendship then. But there are some things you can’t do with a friend…like raise a family and such.
Plus, I don’t even think I could manage a friendship with how difficult it is for me to like someone. I don’t like anyone I just met. It takes a long time for me to enjoy and appreciate people, and many never actually make it to the point of someone I really like. There have been a couple of times where I have tried hanging out with people as friends and it’s just…kind of dissatisfying to me?? Yet I really like hanging out with certain members of my family. I don’t get it.
Plus like…what are you even supposed to do on a date or on an outing with friends? What are you supposed to say when you’re chatting with a partner? How long and often are you supposed to chat with each other? I feel like I need some sort of a step by step guidebook because I don’t even know what the hell people are supposed to do with each other.
Sorry if this is too specific. I’m just wondering if anyone else out there is as confused with human interaction as I am.
Just curious on what you think this needs therapy for? I can’t change my sexual orientation (or lack thereof) and I can’t change my lack of social battery and I can’t magically love people I’ve just met, no matter how much therapy I could possibly have.
Haha I do think about getting a pet sometimes. Although they are a lot harder to travel with than another human being, for example!
I didn’t mean to imply that you need therapy more that if you feel this is something that you really want but can’t achieve then it would probably help to work that out with a therapist.
If it’s not something you want, then you’ll need to find companionship some other way since a relationship probably won’t work.
If you really want a relationship, you need therapy to figure out some things. Lemmy is not the place. From where we are all sitting, it sounds like you do not want a relationship. Or a healthy one at that
It’s interesting that people are suggesting that I just be alone forever or think that I need therapy to fix my orientation.
I mean, surely I can’t be the only person on the planet that can’t immediately fall in love with people they just met, right??? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here that this is the answer. It takes me a long time to develop those kinds of connections.
No, you don’t need therapy to fix your orientation. You need therapy to get a better understanding of yourself. Your post and replies seem like you don’t actually want a relationship. And I don’t mean sex, I mean a human to human relationship. Like you even say you get tired of potential partners and ghost them and you say it like it’s nothing. That’s hella mean and spells out that you either don’t recognized how mean it is, or you do and you aren’t actually interested in people in general. If you just wanna talk to people for a little bit with such a short battery, then normal friendship would suffice.
No one’s asking you to fall in love. We’re saying you gotta reavaluate your wants.
Oh please, I’m hardly the only one that ghosts people on these sites. Half of the time, the other person stops talking and ghosts me instead. Online dating is a different sort of beast and it’s difficult to wade through it. I’m more than polite and friendly in person.
Hell, I’d actually like it if there was a way to set up in person dates with asexuals. It’s just difficult considering how rare asexuals are to begin with.
Look, I don’t hate or dislike you. And I’m sorry if I came off as mean. Maybe you don’t need therapy, maybe you do. But I do stand by that you need to take a hard look at what you really want. Because on one hand you talk about how you can’t stand talking to people consistently for more than a few weeks. On the other you really want a relationship, or something similar.
Asexual is indeed a rare sexuality, but asexual and lacking the battery to deal with people more than a few weeks at a time is even rarer. You can’t have any sort of a family (that you mention on the post) with that sort of problem which is why I suggest therapy. Someone to get to know you and professionally align you to what you really want and need.
People do ghost others all the time. I’m not focusing on others though. I’m only mentioning it because it’s something you mentioned and not a good way to end a relationship. That’s not a healthy way to end the relationship and shows a lack of consistency in what you are trying to achieve.
Internet strangers can only provide so much insight here. I don’t wanna hurt you in any way, I do hope you find someone you don’t want to ghost at all. You’re ace, so I would try instead asking around for ace communities. They can at least get you on one track that you’re looking for.
Looks like you need therapy for your lack of empathy. “At least half of the other people are assholes too” is a piss poor excuse for being an asshole yourself.
Your whole post is a big, glaring, flashing red flag. It makes it pretty clear that in a potential relationship of two people, only your feelings are important to you. Definitely not good friend material and you sure as shit shouldn’t be raising children.
They don’t deserve these kind of insults. They came here for help. They didn’t kick a child. Saying stuff like you’re saying is rougher, meaner, and more unhelpful than you might think it is.
Love is not the lightning bolt you see in movies. Find people you can tolerate and see if you can find someone you enjoy talking to or just being with. It’s ok if it takes a while to find someone you like.
Dogs are nice if you have the time, space, and energy for them. They’re always happy to see you and taking them out for walks or dog park can be a good way to meet other people.