I’m 24 and about to be 25 I’m constantly feeling like having a panic attack even fast heart beats. I know death can come at any moment and it’s just that fact alone that someone can just kill you. It’s the fact I don’t go anywhere that kept me alive. I hope to be alive from an older age but I haven’t done anything useful which I’m sad about death. I’m sad I smoke as well I’m sad that this means I’ve mostly killed myself. You know what actually does happen? If death is just like sleep that might be peaceful but there’s not really another chance at living. If it’s something then it’s like I might see people I don’t like I miss people in some way but not being able to see them again because they committed suicide or some other stuff. I don’t get it anymore actually and just kind of wait which I hate.
Inevitable things are easier for me to let go.
I will eventually die. But since it isn’t now, I have time to fill with stuff that interests me.
In the meantime I still do plenty of staring into that void, but it’s tempered by liking the life I have and accepting that it’s temporary.
It’s worth adding, however, that my anxiety has been more something like Heaven.
I don’t want to exist forever. That’s horrifying! I want this to end at some point. I’m not in a hurry, but it can’t just keep going.