WASHINGTON—Warning that interior defenses were spread too thin, experts confirmed this week that Team USA’s arrival in France for the Olympics had left America’s own basketball rims largely unguarded. “In a strategic blunder of historic proportions, the U.S. men’s national basketball team landing in Paris has left an uncontested path to the basket,” said national security expert Emmett Stein, explaining that Americans lacked the necessary shot blockers and bigs to protect the paint on courts at home. “At the current moment, our nation is woefully vulnerable to foreign threats against basketball rims on its own shores. A foreign player with a basketball at the top of the key could drive for an easy layup with little resistance.” At press time, America was devastated after foreign basketball adversaries attacked a domestic rim with a tomahawk dunk.

  • littleblue✨
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    -103 months ago

    Hur-dur homophobia.

    Do better.

    • @[email protected]OP
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      3 months ago

      Hur-dur homophobia.

      Do better.

      Excuse me? What do you think is homophobic about this Onion article? I’m going to need you to be very specific.

      • @Viking_Hippie
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        23 months ago

        Probably (moronically) assuming that it’s all an allegory for rimming or anal penetration and that only gay couples engage in either 🤦