In my 30’s and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I’ve “created” or “fake” in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20’s. I’ve essentially “found” myself to some degree in my 30’s, but I’m actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.
I recognize the signs when I’m being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It’s automatic, and I’ve noticed others take notice when it’s the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn’t such an automatic reaction.
So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?
Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with “You get better at it with time”, which is true of most things. However, I’m looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.
Seriously. It’s come down to not giving a fuck, much like the others have said. We have faked for so long to protect ourselves. We have a right to be tired. That’s not a free pass to go out and be mean, that’s what NT’s might think that means. I know for us to get it, we have to tell ourselves extremes. Our internal extremes are their “normals”. Which is why it’s so hard for us to accept or understand their help.
It probably does depend on person to person, but my general rule is “don’t be an asshole”. If I struggle to pack away my groceries or I am scrupulous about a returns policy or I jump at loud sounds, deal with it.