For context I’m not out to anyone and I still boymode (6months HRT)

I was at a party in a bar with friends 1 month ago, we took pictures together and posted them in a discord server, immediately a dude “V” asked if I was a real femboy. So now I have people asking me about it and I didn’t reply.

Yesterday I had an eyelid surgery and I sent a picture in the group with my eye patch just for fun and V immediately went “yeah you’re 100% a femboy I was certain of it” (in another language) and people AGREED???!!

I don’t know what to do, on one hand I want to be a woman not a boy or a man, but on the other, since I probably won’t pass until I get FFS I might as well say I am a femboy in the meantime, this way I can pretend to be a man and still wear what I want?

I’m not sure I would get treated better than if I was out as a trans woman. Feminine men get a lot of shit. But femboys seem to be trendy enough to be seen as weirdly cool. Idk…

  • vibinya
    12•5 months ago

    I guess it depends how your emotions resolve. If you don’t want to be seen as a boy/man, then you can ask them to stop calling you that without elaborating further. I personally would not have friends or continue to stay in a space where people didn’t respect my identity, pronouns, or whatever label I choose for myself.

    For my transition I’m not looking to be seen as or called a boy - period, so being called a femboy would cause me the same pangs as being misgendered.

    I think the thing I would think about is if you’re okay with people deciding who you are. Sure, there’s some affirmation as they see you as feminine, but once you open up to these people about your goals, will they respect you or continue to call you something that doesn’t align with your transition.

    • Chloë (she/her)OP
      3•5 months ago

      I think the thing I would think about is if you’re okay with people deciding who you are

      Well In a way I like it because it means they see me as something different from a man without me even asking them to do anything that’s very validating for me. But yeah I’m scared that might happen indeed.

      For my transition I’m not looking to be seen as or called a boy - period, so being called a femboy would cause me the same pangs as being misgendered.

      Well I am boymoding so I suppose it’s a step up?

      I am 100% toying with the idea of asking them to use feminine pronouns to refer to me. Though I’m scared of being seen as illegitimate. I still have some beard shadow I can’t get rid of without laser.

      • vibinya
        2•5 months ago

        I think your feelings on this are super valid. Each step can be a bit scary, especially when you aren’t sure how people in your life are going to react. Pronouns and gender identity are your choice 🩷 remember that it’s not about passing or having certain checkboxes checked, it’s about how you feel and what you’re working on/towards! One aspect of transitioning is finding people who respect who you are and who you want to become without gatekeeping or forcing their personal versions of gender on you. Women can have beards, body hair, deep voices, balding, huge muscles, etc - it’s fine if you don’t want these things for yourself, but none of these are a reason to think you aren’t valid as a woman.

        If you can, I super encourage you to try to find more queer places and people to interact with. You’ll find there’s a huge spectrum of gender presentation and identity - it really helped me feel confident and comfortable with my choices and feelings.