The Buddha shares a teaching with Visākhā on attachment and suffering after the passing of her granddaughter.
Thus have I heard - At one time, the Blessed One was residing at Sāvatthi, in the Eastern Park, at the mansion of Migāra’s mother. At that time, the beloved and pleasing granddaughter of Visākhā, Migāra’s mother, had passed away. Then, Visākhā, with wet clothes and hair, approached the Blessed One during the day; having approached, she paid respects to the Blessed One and sat down to one side. While she was sitting to one side, the Blessed One addressed her:
“Visākhā, where have you come from, arriving here during the day with wet clothes and hair?”
“My granddaughter, who was dear and pleasing to me, has passed away, Venerable Sir. That is why I have come here during the day with wet clothes and hair.”
“Would you, Visākhā, wish to have as many sons and grandsons as there are people in Sāvatthi?”
“I would, Blessed One, wish to have as many sons and grandsons as there are people in Sāvatthi.”
“How many people die daily in Sāvatthi, Visākhā?”
“Ten even, Venerable Sir, people in Sāvatthi die daily; nine even, Venerable Sir; eight even, Venerable Sir; seven even, Venerable Sir; six even, Venerable Sir; five even, Venerable Sir; four even, Venerable Sir; three even, Venerable Sir; two even, Venerable Sir; one even, Venerable Sir. Sāvatthi is never free from people dying, Venerable Sir.”
“What do you think, Visākhā, would you ever be without wet clothes and hair?”
“No, Venerable Sir. It is enough for me to have just a few sons and grandsons.”
“Visākhā, for those who have a hundred dear ones, they have a hundred sufferings; for those who have ninety dear ones, they have ninety sufferings; for those who have eighty dear ones, they have eighty sufferings; for those who have seventy dear ones, they have seventy sufferings; for those who have sixty dear ones, they have sixty sufferings; for those who have fifty dear ones, they have fifty sufferings; for those who have forty dear ones, they have forty sufferings; for those who have thirty dear ones, they have thirty sufferings; for those who have twenty dear ones, they have twenty sufferings; for those who have ten dear ones, they have ten sufferings; for those who have nine dear ones, they have nine sufferings; for those who have eight dear ones, they have eight sufferings; for those who have seven dear ones, they have seven sufferings; for those who have six dear ones, they have six sufferings; for those who have five dear ones, they have five sufferings; for those who have four dear ones, they have four sufferings; for those who have three dear ones, they have three sufferings; for those who have two dear ones, they have two sufferings; for those who have one dear one, they have one suffering; for those who have no dear one, they have no suffering. They are sorrow-free, untainted, and unafflicted, I say.”
Then, knowing the significance of that moment, the Blessed One uttered this inspired utterance:
"Whatever sorrows and lamentations there are,
various kinds of suffering in the world;
these arise because of what is dear,
without what is dear, they do not occur.
Therefore, those who are free from attachment,
who have no dear ones anywhere in the world;
aspiring to be sorrow-free and untainted,
should not hold anything dear in the world."
Migāra’s mother is a title given to Visākhā by her father-in-law Migāra when he awakened to stream-entry. He did this to express gratitude to her as his spiritual mother, for she helped creating supportive conditions for him to meet the Buddha and learn the dhamma.
Visākhā was a chief patron who generously supported the Buddha and the community of bhikkhus under him. She founded the temple in Sāvatthi that came to be known as the mansion of Migāra’s mother, considered as one of the two most important temples during the lifetime of the Buddha, the other being Jeta’s grove.
In this teaching, the Buddha is helping Visākhā reflect on the loss of her granddaughter by pointing to the connection between suffering and having objects that the mind sees as dear/belonging to me. Visākhā having a granddaughter isn’t the cause of her suffering, rather her mind’s attachment / holding on to / grasping for her dear ones to be permanent is.
Related Teachings:
The Five Unobtainable States (AN 5.48)
Conflicts cease when one has mindfulness of death (DhP 6)
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