I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

  • @Today
    33•1 month ago

    Vibrators are much better than they used to be - quiet, rechargeable, and durable. I think your veggies are safe. If you’re worried about it, only buy non phallus-shaped veg for awhile and see if anyone comments. I think (hope) those food sex things are just jokes, but i will not use a hotel room glass, coffee maker, or refillable shampoo.

    • @[email protected]
      25•1 month ago

      What would you do if someone did comment on it?

      “Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

      “I’m gaining weight lately so I need more salad, could you pick up some cucumbers and spinach while you at the store please?”

      • @[email protected]
        8•1 month ago

        “Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask”

        “Sorry honey we are restricting you to only non phallic veggies for your own safety” why do I feel like super Christian households would actually say this.

      • @netvor
        2•1 month ago

        wait, why spinach? (text-only answer, please)

        • @[email protected]
          3•1 month ago

          I like where your mind go, but it’s not that. Spinach is just a cover up, a distraction. You can’t make a salad with just cucumbers, right?

          • @netvor
            1•1 month ago

            I see, it has to be cultural. I’m from Czech Republic, but born close to Slovakian/Hungarian border. Where I come from, the spinach would be the suspicious ingredient. (I was like, “are you out of wipes or something?”)

            Cucumbers, Balkan cheese, tomatoes, pepper, maybe onion would make it much easier to blend in the crowd.