I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

  • Lemminary
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    203 months ago

    During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

    That’d make you the coolest dad ever.

    • @pete_the_cat
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      -63 months ago

      Or totally creep out your kids. “OMG dad knows what I’m doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I’m going to fucking die.”

      It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the “period talk” with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that’s not the point I’m making), it’s super awkward for both parties involved.

      • @[email protected]
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        83 months ago

        I mean it doesn’t have to be “happy birthday, I got you a sybian, hope you like the red one with the racing stripes!” You can just give them an amazon or VISA gift card and simply not ask what they spend it on.

        • @pete_the_cat
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          13 months ago

          I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up.

      • @[email protected]
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        53 months ago

        I mean giving them an Amazon gift card doesn’t exactly say “I know you’re going to buy a sex toy with this” especially if you’re not outright saying that to them, but giving them the option to spend some money on that is a lot better than the alternatives.

        • @pete_the_cat
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          23 months ago

          I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” after they did something like this they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up. I’m 38 and my dad is your typical “Dirty Old Man” that started making sexual comments about women around me when I was like 13, but I don’t think I ever felt comfortable talking about anything like this around him until I was like 19 or 20.

          • @[email protected]
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            23 months ago

            That’s true, but it would still be awkward either way if they did something like this, and I would think that a gift card is still probably better than the alternative of them continuing to use produce for this or a worse alternative.