I’ve read lesbians sometimes don’t find out they are lesbian until they are in their twenties.
How is that even possible? Have they never felt arousal until then? Have they not seen girls undressing in the locker rooms? Have they not seen sexy music videos? And many more questions.
At 12 I (m) was masturbating to music videos of Beyonce ans Christina Aguilera, and just seeing a woman in a short skirt can make me breathless for a second. The concept of not having found one’s sexuality until adulthood is a hard one for me to grasp.
You have to remember that society is always telling you to live your life in a very specific way. Being an awkward teenager is a period where you’re supposed to be confused and finding things out about the world and being an lgbtq teenager is no different. There’s a surplus of teenage hormones that are new and confusing and you may not know what you want.
For lesbian women specifically, it’s not easy to have the entire world telling you your sexuality is just going to be a phase and that one day a big strong man is going to come along and “fix” you because after all “everyone feels those feelings sometimes.”
Disclaimer: I’m not a lesbian woman, just a bi guy with some experience with being confused about my sexuality.
As a bi guy, I relate. It took me ages to understand that I was not straight.
It’s easy and comfortable to comply to the heteronormativity, and ignore other feelings and options.
And, if I was a bi woman, I think that I would present myself as a lesbian.
First, because most straight men are still cavemen. I wouldn’t date a guy, unless I’m 100% sure he’s a safe golden retriever.
Also, because of the prejudices against bi women (“what about a threesome with an other girl?”).
I don’t want to idealize lesbian relationships, but between crossing a straight cis man, a lesbian or a bear in a forest, the choice seems pretty obvious to me.
I’m was the same way. I knew deep down for most of my life, but it honestly wasn’t until my late 20’s that I really accepted I was bi. My attraction just presented so differently for men that it was difficult for me to ever sit back and really say, okay yes I’m definitely not straight. That and as you say, we live in a heteronormative world and it’s easier to exist when you don’t go against the grain.
Maybe you notice a guy be good at something, o r notice he has big muscles. You’re now 10% gay. Just make few other examples like it, you just think you’re being friendly And simply like being around them.
This takes time to piece together and being open about your sexuality being a spectrum rather than binary is a tough mental barrier because your entire life you were told to like X.
Admitting that the other gender has a nice ass takes time. And it is not 100% sexually driven. This applies to both men and female, but everyone is different. I’m just trying to give you some backstory to your women in 20s question as a possible scenario out of many.
Also, it’s very normal for straight women to appreciate beautiful women. When we look at porn, often I’ll focus on the woman, because I know how that feels, so instead of thinking “what I’d like to do to him” I am thinking “what would it feel to be her”, understand? But tried sex with women and nope, is not like sex for me. Not distressing just nothing there, I am heterosexual.
Having said all that - my kids were raised without any fear around sexual preference and all have been confident in whether they were into men, women, or both, from the start of their sexuality. So I do agree it’s family/social pressure or expectations a lot of the time. When those are not present, kids do find their way.
I’ve read lesbians sometimes don’t find out they are lesbian until they are in their twenties.
How is that even possible? Have they never felt arousal until then? Have they not seen girls undressing in the locker rooms? Have they not seen sexy music videos? And many more questions.
At 12 I (m) was masturbating to music videos of Beyonce ans Christina Aguilera, and just seeing a woman in a short skirt can make me breathless for a second. The concept of not having found one’s sexuality until adulthood is a hard one for me to grasp.
You have to remember that society is always telling you to live your life in a very specific way. Being an awkward teenager is a period where you’re supposed to be confused and finding things out about the world and being an lgbtq teenager is no different. There’s a surplus of teenage hormones that are new and confusing and you may not know what you want.
For lesbian women specifically, it’s not easy to have the entire world telling you your sexuality is just going to be a phase and that one day a big strong man is going to come along and “fix” you because after all “everyone feels those feelings sometimes.”
Disclaimer: I’m not a lesbian woman, just a bi guy with some experience with being confused about my sexuality.
As a bi guy, I relate. It took me ages to understand that I was not straight. It’s easy and comfortable to comply to the heteronormativity, and ignore other feelings and options.
And, if I was a bi woman, I think that I would present myself as a lesbian. First, because most straight men are still cavemen. I wouldn’t date a guy, unless I’m 100% sure he’s a safe golden retriever. Also, because of the prejudices against bi women (“what about a threesome with an other girl?”).
I don’t want to idealize lesbian relationships, but between crossing a straight cis man, a lesbian or a bear in a forest, the choice seems pretty obvious to me.
I’m was the same way. I knew deep down for most of my life, but it honestly wasn’t until my late 20’s that I really accepted I was bi. My attraction just presented so differently for men that it was difficult for me to ever sit back and really say, okay yes I’m definitely not straight. That and as you say, we live in a heteronormative world and it’s easier to exist when you don’t go against the grain.
Think of it as % of being gay.
Maybe you notice a guy be good at something, o r notice he has big muscles. You’re now 10% gay. Just make few other examples like it, you just think you’re being friendly And simply like being around them.
This takes time to piece together and being open about your sexuality being a spectrum rather than binary is a tough mental barrier because your entire life you were told to like X.
Admitting that the other gender has a nice ass takes time. And it is not 100% sexually driven. This applies to both men and female, but everyone is different. I’m just trying to give you some backstory to your women in 20s question as a possible scenario out of many.
Also, it’s very normal for straight women to appreciate beautiful women. When we look at porn, often I’ll focus on the woman, because I know how that feels, so instead of thinking “what I’d like to do to him” I am thinking “what would it feel to be her”, understand? But tried sex with women and nope, is not like sex for me. Not distressing just nothing there, I am heterosexual.
Having said all that - my kids were raised without any fear around sexual preference and all have been confident in whether they were into men, women, or both, from the start of their sexuality. So I do agree it’s family/social pressure or expectations a lot of the time. When those are not present, kids do find their way.