I’ve known since I was a kid that I’m depressed. I even have infant photos of me, where I look like I just hate life. Other baby photos the baby is smiling, and interested in everything. Whereas I look like even though I’m too young to even have thoughts, I’m still giving off body language of “leave me alone”.
But when I started asking everyone I knew if they too were depressed, I haven’t gotten one single person to say that they’re happy. Everyone has said they’re depressed. So now I wonder if it’s a regional thing, or if everyone everywhere is depressed.
I suppose so. Baseline level of happiness has always been low and I tend to have a pessmistic outlook. When I was a kid I remember getting random intense pangs of guilt in my stomach for no reason even though nothing was happening to cause it. Laterally I realised that was a symptom of depression.
At the same time my life is pretty great. I’ve been very fortunate to enjoy my career and to have a partner that I’ve got a good relationship with. All of my immediate family members are still alive and thriving to varying degrees but thriving for sure.
Strong suspicion that I could be close to mentally “normal” if I were to incorporate working out at the gym into my regular routine.