cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/236635

I got back into dancing salsa and bachata (colloquially known as Latin dance) a few months ago. Additionally, I’ve been trying to find other autistic people to socialize with, but as you might hypothesize, there aren’t many of us in that community. It’s a bit loud, socially complex, and generally overwhelming. Regardless, I ultimately like it so I’m trying to make it work.

In the past month, I’ve spotted two other auties. One was a girl I met in class. In case you aren’t familiar with salsa/bachata dance classes, they are setup so that we rotate partners frequently…like every few minutes. As a girl I had never met came up to me during one of the rotations, she said, “I like your glasses,” while looking at them and tapping on hers. I responded that I liked hers too. They were a bright semi-translucent mid-dark blue (a little 🤏 darker than this) and slightly shaped like that 70s cat eye style. She smile and thanked me in a way that seemed to convey we both understood each other. Then, we practiced the pattern respectfully without that invasive eye contact that most people use. She was generally quiet throughout the rest of the class. I’ve seen her a few times in other classes since, and everything lines up. Yesterday, I went to a social which is an unstructured dance practice. Basically, it’s a event that plays loud music with the understanding that people are there to learn to dance and patrons are expected to dance with strangers non-judgmentally. During one of my noise breaks outside, I saw her in her car by herself. When I left about 30 mins later, I saw her in her car again. I plan on reaching out to her in a friendly way next time I get a chance to help her feel welcomed and relaxed. Probably will say something like, “I saw you in your car at that social. I do that too! I have to take breaks because it’s too loud and chaotic for me sometimes,” or something to that effect.

Two days ago, I attended a chacha dance workshop. There was a guy there that was evidently unique. Unique voice. Unique attire. Definitely has his own way of thinking. During class, it’s obvious he is studying the dance. What I mean is that it seems to me that most people try to imitate the teacher and through that, they usually learn to repeat the moves. This guy was analyzing to deeply understand it (ohhh! Now I get why people say that about me sometimes!!🤯). He asked several unconventional questions, and in response to one of them, the teacher said, “I like your attention to detail.” When I would glance at him as I do everyone, I would notice that he seemed to me that was checked out a few times. Most people seem generally focused on what everyone else is focused on or something else social like another person. This guy looked like he was possibly thinking about Aristotle, differential equations, dinner, or his shopping list. It’s as if his eyes were disconnected from his brain. He did not seem present in the moment. After the class, there was a social. During a few of my noise breaks, I saw him outside too. In the first one, he mentioned he had taken a few breaks already because it was too loud. I had recently returned from taking a walk around the shopping center’s parking lot. So I told him that I did that and that once I got around a store across the lot, the noise was much more tolerable. He basically said ok, then went inside ~30 secs later. A while after that, I go outside for another break and I catch him returning from the store area I had mentioned. This guy was also at the same social I was at where I saw the other girls in the car. I saw him sitting down by himself with a bottle of water and looking through everyone as if he were completely not present again, taking a personal 5 minute break by checking out. This social was basically the following meme in real life:

I have my suspicions of a few other regulars, but they aren’t definitive like the two I mentioned above. Also, since I’m ADHD too, it’s hard for me to differentiate between the three (autism, ADHD, and AuDHD) sometimes, so I can miscategorize when the presentation is impure.

Regardless, we’re everywhere! It’s nice to see us in places representing and taking care of each other in our own way. It’s also nice to know I’m not alone there, and feel validated that we can be in dance communities too. And of course, it’s helpful to see what we look like from the outside to others because just like the guy was deeply studying the dance pattern, I am deeply studying the entire environment.

If you’re out there putting yourself in environments that are unusual for us, thank you! There might be another one of us there that has caught on to you and appreciates your presence ❤️

Plug for the instance dedicated to autism: [email protected]. Check out the current communities at https://lemmy.autism.place/communities