Someone once pointed out to me that what I consider small talk might be someone else’s important.
Sure it might seem like gossip or chat about the weather just for the sake of talking but it can equally be someone trying to say that they are lonely and need reassurance.
I think about that a lot and I’ve become a lot more tolerant. Besides, you can segue into some pretty big chat from such humble starts.
The issue is that a lot of small talk is superficial or even dishonest, like the stereotypical question of how you are. Because, no, they don’t actually want to hear about your problems. They want you to say “good and you?”, and will answer equally dishonest. It’s one of my biggest issues with it because I really don’t care about talking about things that none of us actually care about. If you don’t want to know how I am, don’t ask. If you have nothing better to say than moan about the weather (which is almost always either too hot, or too cold, or too rainy, or too snowy, etc), then don’t even bother with yapping me up.
This is a great way to think about it, goes along nicely with the idea that even the smallest acts of care can have a huge impact on someone’s day. Simply engaging with someone a little can be enough to make them feel better. It might even be fair to say it’s What We Owe To Each Other (for fans of moral philosophy, and/or The Good Place 😉).
I also had a workplace where the admin kept accusing us of “gossiping” about them. The misogynistic implications were not lost on a group of (mostly) female nurses who were actually mostly discussing how they were being horribly mistreated by their superiors. These people were really tryna act like we were bullying them; our bosses. YOU CAN’T BULLY YOUR BOSS.
Someone once pointed out to me that what I consider small talk might be someone else’s important.
Sure it might seem like gossip or chat about the weather just for the sake of talking but it can equally be someone trying to say that they are lonely and need reassurance.
I think about that a lot and I’ve become a lot more tolerant. Besides, you can segue into some pretty big chat from such humble starts.
The issue is that a lot of small talk is superficial or even dishonest, like the stereotypical question of how you are. Because, no, they don’t actually want to hear about your problems. They want you to say “good and you?”, and will answer equally dishonest. It’s one of my biggest issues with it because I really don’t care about talking about things that none of us actually care about. If you don’t want to know how I am, don’t ask. If you have nothing better to say than moan about the weather (which is almost always either too hot, or too cold, or too rainy, or too snowy, etc), then don’t even bother with yapping me up.
This is a great way to think about it, goes along nicely with the idea that even the smallest acts of care can have a huge impact on someone’s day. Simply engaging with someone a little can be enough to make them feel better. It might even be fair to say it’s What We Owe To Each Other (for fans of moral philosophy, and/or The Good Place 😉).
I also had a workplace where the admin kept accusing us of “gossiping” about them. The misogynistic implications were not lost on a group of (mostly) female nurses who were actually mostly discussing how they were being horribly mistreated by their superiors. These people were really tryna act like we were bullying them; our bosses. YOU CAN’T BULLY YOUR BOSS.