He was palliative with cancer, and on the palliative ward when we last talked, I haven’t heard from him in four weeks so I assume it’s happened. He was only 40 and had had a kidney transplant, and was awaiting a debulking surgery for a very large tumour, and then got a fungal infection and was admitted. I am going to assume that ended up ending badly.

I’ll miss you friend. I enjoyed our talks. He did get a cruise in and was writing a book before he apparently passed. So those are good things, but I really will miss him. Be nice to people, Lemmy.

  • @AeaoEnglish
    32•2 months ago

    This kind of thing always seems so unfair to me. They were writing a book and meeting new friends. Meanwhile I’m so damn tired and ready to rest. I’d give you’re friend 10 or twenty years off my own life if it were an option.

    I wouldn’t hurt myself, I’m just saying another 30 or forty years seems so daunting…there’s people who want those years and that’s unfair.

    • @BonesOfTheMoonOPEnglish
      14•2 months ago

      Especially when there are shitheads like Republicans and pedophiles and Nazis who don’t deserve years like that.

      • @AeaoEnglish
        7•2 months ago

        I mean yeah but that’s a different kind of unfairness.

        What I’m talking about is one person being hungry while another person is forced to eat food when they aren’t. You’re more talking about someone who doesn’t deserve a multiple course meal.

        Knowing I’m going to mostly throw this shit away and not enjoy it while there are other people who want it sucks.

        • themeatbridgeEnglish
          2•2 months ago

          I’m sure it doesn’t always feel like it, but your life matters every single day. Tomorrow has every potential joy and sorrow, every pleasure or pain, every possible eventuality. You don’t have to live every day as your last to make it count. Some days you just got to get to the next one, and that’s victory enough.

          The only real waste is to give up on all of those tomorrows.

    • @itsgoodtobeawakeEnglish
      5•2 months ago

      Sounds like you need to make some major changes in your life. If you aren’t valuing your time left on earth then you almost certainly aren’t resonating with your own desires and passions. Of course it’s easier said than done and I have zero context for your circumstances, but it sounds like you’ve got a lot of work to do.

      There isn’t any fairness in the arc of our lives, there isn’t anything to figure out when we lose people. Sometimes the best of us are gone early and the worst can outlive everyone. Nothing to understand there, justice is absent when death is the subject.

      I’m sure you have your reasons to feel this way, and I get it. I genuinely hope and encourage you to find and bring the meaning to your own life that sounds like it’s missing.

      I’ve gone through a lot of loss and my own situation right now is a complete disaster, but I will forever refuse to succumb to an existence that doesn’t resonate with my own meaning. I’d encourage you to do the same.

      Change is a guarantee, embrace it. Your life is as valuable as any one else that has ever lived. Don’t tell yourself otherwise. Embrace your own agency, life doesn’t just happen to you, do something with it, do anything.

      You deserve to give and receive love.

      • @AeaoEnglish
        3•2 months ago

        I appreciate your kind words.

        And you pretty much nailed it on both fronts.

        I listened to some shrink talking on the radio probably over a decade ago. She mentioned that it wasn’t abnormal for her patients to say they don’t know what they enjoy.

        I matured late and had kids young. My kids are adults now.

        I don’t have hobbies or interests. I’ve been busy working .

        My boss pissed me off the other day. I could find an easier job. Maybe take a pay cut.

        What else would I do though?

        I don’t have hobbies, I don’t really want one. I don’t have friends, and I never really wanted them. I do have family and people who love me don’t worry.

        I don’t have friends, hangout spots, hobbies, TV shows I binged. I don’t even know what I like. So I guess I work? I should probably find something. Not mineral collecting but maybe trains?

    • CrisEnglish
      1•2 months ago

      🫂

      I know that feeling well.

    • M137English
      -17•2 months ago

      your* of*

      Why write 10 and 30 with numbers and then 20 and 40 with letters…?

      • @AeaoEnglish
        1•2 months ago

        Just to piss you off.

        As you can imagine I spend a lot of time writing my internet comments in a very calculated and specific way. There is meaning and motive to every word and every phrase.

        Normally that motive is to specifically and exclusively bother you. It’s a very big part of my life.