So I have a personal example, and I’ll keep it brief because there’s a lot of really detailed nuance here.
I was holding a meeting about 2 years ago, and someone recommended a follow up sub-committee meeting. I told them I’d pull together a small group of people to hold a “pow wow”. An Asian-American girl in the meeting who’s your prototypical hyper-aware leftist reached out to me after the meeting. She handled it 100% professionally and exactly the way she should have, and she politely said, “I didn’t want to say something during the meeting because I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but I do cringe a bit when you call your meetings a ‘pow wow.’ I just thought you should be aware.” I thanked her for pointing it out, apologized that it was something I’d always said almost unconsciously, and told her I’d try to do better in the future.
I’ve thought about that interaction for years. There’s something in my lizard brain that feels almost offended that she’d call me out for something like that. I consider myself to be a keenly aware left-leaning person, and I’m quite sensitive to racial or sexuality-based jokes. I run in some conservative circles, so these kinds of jokes are common. Though this particular confrontation shouldn’t bother me, for some reason deep down it does. My irrational, emotional brain wants to say, “That’s not fair! You know I didn’t mean anything by it! I’m not racist!”, and my rational brain just says, “No big deal, be better in the future.”
I can’t explain why it’s so deeply unsettling to be called out for doing something racist when I clearly didn’t mean it that way. But it does help me understand a right-leaning person who’s used to building social capital by telling racially-charged jokes that were probably very funny 10-15 years ago. Suddenly they’re not just living in a culture that doesn’t find those things funny, they’re surrounded by people who readily call them “racist” for repeating jokes they’ve probably heard dozens of times from other people. I do not think those kinds of people are racist, I just think they grew up surrounded by subconsciously-racialized tropes, and they’re simply reflecting those tropes back out into the world. And I now know how deeply painful it can be to be called a racist when you 100% didn’t intend it that way. I’m sure there’s a spectrum of intent and personal reflection, and some people fall closer to the “racist” end of the spectrum, plus some people think more or less about how they’re perceived by other people, but I understand their pain now. I cringe when the left so readily throws out these labels, not because they’re not true on some level, but because they’re “othering” to people who might be sandwiched between cultural sub-groups, and those kinds of attacks aren’t going to make those people more reflective or open to your arguments.
Yes, that feeling about having said Pow Wow, and being called out on it in the most gentle and polite manner, must he a very small version of the inciting incident many MAGA types probably went through, or feel they went through.
Abd where you were self aware enough to reel in that indignant feeling of being corrected, they can’t. They didn’t have that, for whatever reason.
It may have been knee jerk, it may have been poor cultural timing, or part of a group looking to exclude them for any reason, it may have been part of their divorce, or maybe they just weren’t politically aware enough to deal and cope with being called out. Or maybe they were just a bit slow. But whatever it is, they’re stuck there and so are gonna try to alter society to what they said, rather than admit they were out of line, or out of date with current standards of propriety.
Interestingly enough Thomas Piketty the Marxist theorist who wrote Capital in the Twenty First century, predicted that as the wealth gap got larger society would return to Victorian era ideas around social classes, the idea of not marrying below your station, and of not fraternizing with commoners or the poor, or bwong uncouth like them.
I don’t know if this might be part of that, but it seems you understand some of the emotional aspects of gow someone slips into the MAGA mindset. The sense of betrayal they must feel.
100%. It’s fucking weird to empathize with people I’ve hated for so long, even if only microscopically. I still don’t know how to reach them, but I feel it.
I appreciate the anecdote, because I think it’s happened to all of us. I had a similar interaction with someone who balked at my usage of the word “homeless” (I live in a city, so it’s come up once or twice), insisting that I should instead call them “unhoused”.
I think the important point in your anecdote is saying “it’s unsettling and angering to be called out for doing/saying something racist when you in fact are not racist”. My stance on this issue is that everyone’s a little bit *-ist. Instead of concluding “people can do and say racist things while not being racist”, I think a more helpful conclusion would be “people do and say racist shit all the time without meaning it because we have a lot of racism built into our brains”.
I agree with you on the othering, however. I dislike when people try and put racists, sexists, etc. in a timeout corner, mostly because it seems to be with the aim of declaring themselves A Good Person rather than actually affecting any social change. I think it’s more helpful to say “hey, look, we’re all born with a lot of baggage from our environments and parents, and we don’t get to choose how our brains are molded”.
Yeah I completely agree. Implicit bias is a universal human trait, and I’ve consciously tried to be aware of the times it rears its ugly head. That’s why I was so caught off guard, because I’m usually on the lookout for stuff like that. My best friend is a director at a media company, and he’s spent nearly 2 years carefully documenting his interactions with a black, female subordinate of his. She’s generally a really bad employee, a poor worker, antagonistic to colleagues, and all around a sour human being, but he can’t discipline her the way he disciplines his other employees because she and her sister (who works under another director) readily claim that they’re being discriminated against, no matter how innocuous the interaction or how mundane the offense. They’ve had to fire white, cis male employees with better track records because they’re afraid that if they fire her she’ll take them to court. He’s a lifelong Republican who registered as a Democrat after 2016 and voted straight-ticket Dem this election, but he regularly confides in me that he’s deeply frustrated with the way he has to interact with these sisters. He has to constantly look over his shoulder, he has to treat her with kit gloves, and he has to document every word he speaks to her so there’s a detailed record of their conversations. I’m not saying she’s not actively discriminated against in her daily life because I’m sure she 100% is, but I’m also not saying she’s not taking advantage of this cultural moment to re-construct the power dynamic with the white male supervisor below her, no matter the needs of the business. This is why blue collar Trump supporters so routinely crow about people “playing the race card”, because some people actually do.
We’re not in a healthy place as a society, and extremists/activists on both sides are really bad at self-reflection.
That’s anecdotal, but it does display the frustrations that people have with what they perceive as injust wokeness.
I think it’s important to mention that shitty people are everywhere and in all shapes and colors; these two may just stand out because he does feel like he has to walk on eggshells around them.
What I will say is that I think it’s a mistake to assume that people who are minorities or other discriminated classes are also progressive by nature. In a perfect world, your race and gender would have nothing to do with what political ideology you subscribe to, but we live in a far from perfect world.
So I have a personal example, and I’ll keep it brief because there’s a lot of really detailed nuance here.
I was holding a meeting about 2 years ago, and someone recommended a follow up sub-committee meeting. I told them I’d pull together a small group of people to hold a “pow wow”. An Asian-American girl in the meeting who’s your prototypical hyper-aware leftist reached out to me after the meeting. She handled it 100% professionally and exactly the way she should have, and she politely said, “I didn’t want to say something during the meeting because I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but I do cringe a bit when you call your meetings a ‘pow wow.’ I just thought you should be aware.” I thanked her for pointing it out, apologized that it was something I’d always said almost unconsciously, and told her I’d try to do better in the future.
I’ve thought about that interaction for years. There’s something in my lizard brain that feels almost offended that she’d call me out for something like that. I consider myself to be a keenly aware left-leaning person, and I’m quite sensitive to racial or sexuality-based jokes. I run in some conservative circles, so these kinds of jokes are common. Though this particular confrontation shouldn’t bother me, for some reason deep down it does. My irrational, emotional brain wants to say, “That’s not fair! You know I didn’t mean anything by it! I’m not racist!”, and my rational brain just says, “No big deal, be better in the future.”
I can’t explain why it’s so deeply unsettling to be called out for doing something racist when I clearly didn’t mean it that way. But it does help me understand a right-leaning person who’s used to building social capital by telling racially-charged jokes that were probably very funny 10-15 years ago. Suddenly they’re not just living in a culture that doesn’t find those things funny, they’re surrounded by people who readily call them “racist” for repeating jokes they’ve probably heard dozens of times from other people. I do not think those kinds of people are racist, I just think they grew up surrounded by subconsciously-racialized tropes, and they’re simply reflecting those tropes back out into the world. And I now know how deeply painful it can be to be called a racist when you 100% didn’t intend it that way. I’m sure there’s a spectrum of intent and personal reflection, and some people fall closer to the “racist” end of the spectrum, plus some people think more or less about how they’re perceived by other people, but I understand their pain now. I cringe when the left so readily throws out these labels, not because they’re not true on some level, but because they’re “othering” to people who might be sandwiched between cultural sub-groups, and those kinds of attacks aren’t going to make those people more reflective or open to your arguments.
Yes, that feeling about having said Pow Wow, and being called out on it in the most gentle and polite manner, must he a very small version of the inciting incident many MAGA types probably went through, or feel they went through.
Abd where you were self aware enough to reel in that indignant feeling of being corrected, they can’t. They didn’t have that, for whatever reason.
It may have been knee jerk, it may have been poor cultural timing, or part of a group looking to exclude them for any reason, it may have been part of their divorce, or maybe they just weren’t politically aware enough to deal and cope with being called out. Or maybe they were just a bit slow. But whatever it is, they’re stuck there and so are gonna try to alter society to what they said, rather than admit they were out of line, or out of date with current standards of propriety.
Interestingly enough Thomas Piketty the Marxist theorist who wrote Capital in the Twenty First century, predicted that as the wealth gap got larger society would return to Victorian era ideas around social classes, the idea of not marrying below your station, and of not fraternizing with commoners or the poor, or bwong uncouth like them.
I don’t know if this might be part of that, but it seems you understand some of the emotional aspects of gow someone slips into the MAGA mindset. The sense of betrayal they must feel.
100%. It’s fucking weird to empathize with people I’ve hated for so long, even if only microscopically. I still don’t know how to reach them, but I feel it.
I appreciate the anecdote, because I think it’s happened to all of us. I had a similar interaction with someone who balked at my usage of the word “homeless” (I live in a city, so it’s come up once or twice), insisting that I should instead call them “unhoused”.
I think the important point in your anecdote is saying “it’s unsettling and angering to be called out for doing/saying something racist when you in fact are not racist”. My stance on this issue is that everyone’s a little bit *-ist. Instead of concluding “people can do and say racist things while not being racist”, I think a more helpful conclusion would be “people do and say racist shit all the time without meaning it because we have a lot of racism built into our brains”.
I agree with you on the othering, however. I dislike when people try and put racists, sexists, etc. in a timeout corner, mostly because it seems to be with the aim of declaring themselves A Good Person rather than actually affecting any social change. I think it’s more helpful to say “hey, look, we’re all born with a lot of baggage from our environments and parents, and we don’t get to choose how our brains are molded”.
Yeah I completely agree. Implicit bias is a universal human trait, and I’ve consciously tried to be aware of the times it rears its ugly head. That’s why I was so caught off guard, because I’m usually on the lookout for stuff like that. My best friend is a director at a media company, and he’s spent nearly 2 years carefully documenting his interactions with a black, female subordinate of his. She’s generally a really bad employee, a poor worker, antagonistic to colleagues, and all around a sour human being, but he can’t discipline her the way he disciplines his other employees because she and her sister (who works under another director) readily claim that they’re being discriminated against, no matter how innocuous the interaction or how mundane the offense. They’ve had to fire white, cis male employees with better track records because they’re afraid that if they fire her she’ll take them to court. He’s a lifelong Republican who registered as a Democrat after 2016 and voted straight-ticket Dem this election, but he regularly confides in me that he’s deeply frustrated with the way he has to interact with these sisters. He has to constantly look over his shoulder, he has to treat her with kit gloves, and he has to document every word he speaks to her so there’s a detailed record of their conversations. I’m not saying she’s not actively discriminated against in her daily life because I’m sure she 100% is, but I’m also not saying she’s not taking advantage of this cultural moment to re-construct the power dynamic with the white male supervisor below her, no matter the needs of the business. This is why blue collar Trump supporters so routinely crow about people “playing the race card”, because some people actually do.
We’re not in a healthy place as a society, and extremists/activists on both sides are really bad at self-reflection.
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That’s anecdotal, but it does display the frustrations that people have with what they perceive as injust wokeness.
I think it’s important to mention that shitty people are everywhere and in all shapes and colors; these two may just stand out because he does feel like he has to walk on eggshells around them.
What I will say is that I think it’s a mistake to assume that people who are minorities or other discriminated classes are also progressive by nature. In a perfect world, your race and gender would have nothing to do with what political ideology you subscribe to, but we live in a far from perfect world.
I’m not sure where I made that assumption?
I didn’t say you did, but I can see how you got there.