Like if I said that people who ride bicycles are physically fit, I wouldn’t be implying that everyone who is physically fit rides bicycles
Right, but if you were a fat guy who cycled to and from work every day and you made a comment online about how unhappy you are with your body, don’t you see how…
“Guys: ride a bike, go outside, stop driving down the street to get the mail. Exercise is sexy”
… might make you feel like there’s something wrong with you? “Man, if all the advice anyone should need is, ‘go ride a bike’, and it isn’t working for me, what the hell is wrong with me? I’m fucked.”
So yeah, I understand that it’s just bullshit generic “advice” meant to “help” people, but when you’re struggling to figure out why people won’t give you the time of day and everyone says that all you gotta do is take a shower and people will find you attractive, you’re not in a mind state to go, “hey, I already did that, so it doesn’t apply to me/ I shouldn’t consider it”. You think, “so everyone ranks me with the guy who doesn’t shower”, “there’s no point in trying because I’ve already done what everyone said”, “there’s something inherently wrong with me/ women/ men/ society because the system works for everyone but me” etc etc etc.
And actually no. “Take a shower and wear clean clothes” is almost never meant as genuine advice to help someone out. It’s a tongue in cheek insult, directed at men like OOP who dared to express their loneliness online, meant to belittle them and make the commenter feel superior over someone desperately looking for companionship.
If someone who has been studying hard says they’ve been struggling with math, is “bro, read a math book. Do some actual sample problems. Stop blowing off your homework.” advice, or a condescending insult?
Nobody says that’s ALL you have to do. How are you taking this personally? How do you think the tip is secretly meant as an insult? I can see that if you’ve thought about this a lot and tried many things, it could be frustrating to see simple tips like this. Regardless, you’re reading more into people’s personalities and their intentions than is really there.
What this means to me when I read it- many people have a very sensitive sense of smell and after even any light activity or enough time, people will not smell perfectly clean anymore. I have showered and then spent 15 minutes working on something and then been told that I smell. Good luck if you meet someone that has a sensitive sense of smell- you will probably be told to take a shower whenever you are not perfectly clean and want some physical interaction. Will you tell them “that is secretly meant as an insult against people like me who have tried everything…” Or will you take a shower? Then you’ll be told to shower every time it’s relevant, maybe multiple times per week, that’s on top of showering every day. Now you’ve been informed that there are people like this. Relationships require some accomodation to the other person’s wants, and hope the other person will likewise make a similar effort to accommodate the things that are important to you.
The comment doesn’t imply that everyone who can’t find a partner is unkempt, it’s just a recommendation to help people out.
Like if I said that people who ride bicycles are physically fit, I wouldn’t be implying that everyone who is physically fit rides bicycles
Right, but if you were a fat guy who cycled to and from work every day and you made a comment online about how unhappy you are with your body, don’t you see how…
“Guys: ride a bike, go outside, stop driving down the street to get the mail. Exercise is sexy”
… might make you feel like there’s something wrong with you? “Man, if all the advice anyone should need is, ‘go ride a bike’, and it isn’t working for me, what the hell is wrong with me? I’m fucked.”
So yeah, I understand that it’s just bullshit generic “advice” meant to “help” people, but when you’re struggling to figure out why people won’t give you the time of day and everyone says that all you gotta do is take a shower and people will find you attractive, you’re not in a mind state to go, “hey, I already did that, so it doesn’t apply to me/ I shouldn’t consider it”. You think, “so everyone ranks me with the guy who doesn’t shower”, “there’s no point in trying because I’ve already done what everyone said”, “there’s something inherently wrong with me/ women/ men/ society because the system works for everyone but me” etc etc etc.
And actually no. “Take a shower and wear clean clothes” is almost never meant as genuine advice to help someone out. It’s a tongue in cheek insult, directed at men like OOP who dared to express their loneliness online, meant to belittle them and make the commenter feel superior over someone desperately looking for companionship.
If someone who has been studying hard says they’ve been struggling with math, is “bro, read a math book. Do some actual sample problems. Stop blowing off your homework.” advice, or a condescending insult?
Nobody says that’s ALL you have to do. How are you taking this personally? How do you think the tip is secretly meant as an insult? I can see that if you’ve thought about this a lot and tried many things, it could be frustrating to see simple tips like this. Regardless, you’re reading more into people’s personalities and their intentions than is really there.
What this means to me when I read it- many people have a very sensitive sense of smell and after even any light activity or enough time, people will not smell perfectly clean anymore. I have showered and then spent 15 minutes working on something and then been told that I smell. Good luck if you meet someone that has a sensitive sense of smell- you will probably be told to take a shower whenever you are not perfectly clean and want some physical interaction. Will you tell them “that is secretly meant as an insult against people like me who have tried everything…” Or will you take a shower? Then you’ll be told to shower every time it’s relevant, maybe multiple times per week, that’s on top of showering every day. Now you’ve been informed that there are people like this. Relationships require some accomodation to the other person’s wants, and hope the other person will likewise make a similar effort to accommodate the things that are important to you.
You hit the nail on its head.