It’s just extremely humbling to realize that in this lifetime, I will never have enough time or money to even rise to a middling position in the field. It doesn’t diminish my genuine love for the subject or my personal drive to collect and learn what I can, but at the same time some millionnaire could start in my field tomorrow and have surpassed me in every way including knowledge in just a few months, and that makes me… not envious but just sad. I’ll always be just the dog getting table scraps while the “real” players feast at unimaginable, unattainable hights in perpetuity.