Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state. I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Obviously Texas wouldn’t be so red if we would just vote for Democrats, right? Therefore, we must be part of the problem! As long as one person votes blue then that cancels out all the red votes so we really have no one to blame but ourselves!
Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state.
I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own that’s free from politicians who’ll use you. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when someone thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can get, heh.
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I think it’s bett_er_ up here, though like the US it will be the cities that are best to go to. Rural areas throughout Canada are roughly as bad though, even those who work forces.
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I know a lot sucks right now, but that is the sort of defeatism we can’t do. And I’m sorry because I know what it takes to push through it regardless, I really am sorry. The one bright spot here is that our numbers grow with each generation..
“Overall,each younger generation is about twice as likely as the generation that preceded it to identify as LGBTQ+,” says the report, which was published Wednesday. “More than one in five Gen Z adults, ranging in age from 18 to 26 in 2023, identify as LGBTQ+, as do nearly one in 10 millennials (aged 27 to 42).”
If this continues to the next generation, two out of every five people will identify as part of the Gay-BLT. While the conservatives will come for us – and I make no mistake, they will come for us – they’ll be facing a number far larger than they were prepared for. We will die in terrifying numbers, yet climate change is going to slowly end it, because people will be too concerned with the forest fires, choking air, floods, heat domes, crop failures, etc. Conservatives right now are like Gollum at the end when he’s tumbling into the fires below, clutching his ring. They’ve ‘won’, but they don’t understand that they’ve also killed themselves.
We will break into small communal areas, and we’ve already seen that while in no way perfect, or even entirely functional, we queers can stand together. Time and time again we help each other, guide each other, support each other. Our communities will suffer far less from the inevitable infighting because we’ve done more with less, and have both helped and needed help from our siblings.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own that’s free from politicians who’ll use you. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
sigh
We don’t need such a concentrated area, we’ll find each other in cities, small towns, all over the place. We do have hetero allies, there are straight people who will join us too. It sounds good at first, but we lose more than we gain by consolidating in one area and keeping to ourselves.
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
I have done my best, and thank you so very much, I appreciate you saying that. Two of my kids came out to me (one enby, one ace/aro) and I found out they’d only come out to each other and me, not even my partner, and I cried a bit, obviously. We don’t talk about ‘everything’, but they trust me for most things and I’m so happy.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
I am sorry you did not get a better response than you did. I let my kids down a lot. For any things it looks like I did well here, I did four terribly. I’m not excusing your parents; you didn’t choose to be born, your parents had you, and thus have a responsibility. I just want you to know you had nothing to do with their inabilities, when parents like us fail in that way it creates a terrible loop for you, and I am so very sorry. A lot of people panic when they see their loved ones in that state of mind, and instead of helping, we freeze.
(I did my best to set up a system with them where my kids tell me what they’re okay with hearing about, and I never cross that line. I taught them everything I could about consent and safe sex, how to avoid STI’s, and that they can always call me for help. That was pretty much the only area I have done well.)
P.S…
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when someone thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can get, heh.
I wanted to end this, and I’m sorry it’s so much later, for you with something I hope can help you.
GIRL.
The ‘identity politics’ war isn’t won when Conservatives take away HRT, or gender-affirming surgeries, or voice lessons, or the ability to change the gender on your identity cards. They need you to admit defeat and agree with them. You know if you’re a woman; not me, not them, not your parents, not your friends, not random people on the internet. Gender isn’t Sex. “A woman” is not definable because there are four fucking billion women out there who are each unique and different from each other. My grandmother killed a Nazi with a butcher knife. Which part of the ‘a woman’ checklist is that?
GIRL. Do not. Let them. Break you. You know who you are, and they don’t know who you are. They’re not psychic.
I listen to this song when I feel dysphoric, please feel free to join me. I share it with anyone I think might need it. Just know that when you listen to it, I’m right there with you.
I love you, I hope you understand what I mean, and I hope you find help that you need. Look for the ‘rainbow’ patches and buttons, those people will help you.
Could you share more about your trans siblings? I had understood that being transgender was relatively uncommon, and I realize there may be genetic or other factors involved. It’s new to me that multiple members of a family might identify this way, and I’d love to learn more if you’re open to sharing. Thanks!
You misunderstood, heh. It’s not uncommon for people in the trans community to refer to other members as “siblings” or “brothers and sisters” regardless of actual blood relationship.
That said, my sister is non-binary and I’m pretty sure my mom is heavily closeted based on a number of things she’s said to me after I came out.
Twenty years ago, Ray Blanchard and Anthony Bogaert demonstrated that the probability of a boy growing up to be gay increases for each older brother born to the same mother, the so-called fraternal birth order (FBO) effect. Their first investigation indicated that each older brother increased the probability of being gay by about 33% (1). This startling phenomenon was confirmed in multiple studies based on independent populations totaling over 10,000 subjects, and a meta-analysis indicated that between 15% and 29% of gay men owe their sexual orientation to this effect
Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state. I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Obviously Texas wouldn’t be so red if we would just vote for Democrats, right? Therefore, we must be part of the problem! As long as one person votes blue then that cancels out all the red votes so we really have no one to blame but ourselves!
I voted blue. Fuck you.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own that’s free from politicians who’ll use you. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when someone thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can get, heh.
I think it’s bett_er_ up here, though like the US it will be the cities that are best to go to. Rural areas throughout Canada are roughly as bad though, even those who work forces.
I know a lot sucks right now, but that is the sort of defeatism we can’t do. And I’m sorry because I know what it takes to push through it regardless, I really am sorry. The one bright spot here is that our numbers grow with each generation..
If this continues to the next generation, two out of every five people will identify as part of the Gay-BLT. While the conservatives will come for us – and I make no mistake, they will come for us – they’ll be facing a number far larger than they were prepared for. We will die in terrifying numbers, yet climate change is going to slowly end it, because people will be too concerned with the forest fires, choking air, floods, heat domes, crop failures, etc. Conservatives right now are like Gollum at the end when he’s tumbling into the fires below, clutching his ring. They’ve ‘won’, but they don’t understand that they’ve also killed themselves.
We will break into small communal areas, and we’ve already seen that while in no way perfect, or even entirely functional, we queers can stand together. Time and time again we help each other, guide each other, support each other. Our communities will suffer far less from the inevitable infighting because we’ve done more with less, and have both helped and needed help from our siblings.
We don’t need such a concentrated area, we’ll find each other in cities, small towns, all over the place. We do have hetero allies, there are straight people who will join us too. It sounds good at first, but we lose more than we gain by consolidating in one area and keeping to ourselves.
I have done my best, and thank you so very much, I appreciate you saying that. Two of my kids came out to me (one enby, one ace/aro) and I found out they’d only come out to each other and me, not even my partner, and I cried a bit, obviously. We don’t talk about ‘everything’, but they trust me for most things and I’m so happy.
I am sorry you did not get a better response than you did. I let my kids down a lot. For any things it looks like I did well here, I did four terribly. I’m not excusing your parents; you didn’t choose to be born, your parents had you, and thus have a responsibility. I just want you to know you had nothing to do with their inabilities, when parents like us fail in that way it creates a terrible loop for you, and I am so very sorry. A lot of people panic when they see their loved ones in that state of mind, and instead of helping, we freeze.
(I did my best to set up a system with them where my kids tell me what they’re okay with hearing about, and I never cross that line. I taught them everything I could about consent and safe sex, how to avoid STI’s, and that they can always call me for help. That was pretty much the only area I have done well.)
I wanted to end this, and I’m sorry it’s so much later, for you with something I hope can help you.
GIRL.
The ‘identity politics’ war isn’t won when Conservatives take away HRT, or gender-affirming surgeries, or voice lessons, or the ability to change the gender on your identity cards. They need you to admit defeat and agree with them. You know if you’re a woman; not me, not them, not your parents, not your friends, not random people on the internet. Gender isn’t Sex. “A woman” is not definable because there are four fucking billion women out there who are each unique and different from each other. My grandmother killed a Nazi with a butcher knife. Which part of the ‘a woman’ checklist is that?
GIRL. Do not. Let them. Break you. You know who you are, and they don’t know who you are. They’re not psychic.
I listen to this song when I feel dysphoric, please feel free to join me. I share it with anyone I think might need it. Just know that when you listen to it, I’m right there with you.
I love you, I hope you understand what I mean, and I hope you find help that you need. Look for the ‘rainbow’ patches and buttons, those people will help you.
Truth to power, workers unite, stay queer.
<3
Could you share more about your trans siblings? I had understood that being transgender was relatively uncommon, and I realize there may be genetic or other factors involved. It’s new to me that multiple members of a family might identify this way, and I’d love to learn more if you’re open to sharing. Thanks!
You misunderstood, heh. It’s not uncommon for people in the trans community to refer to other members as “siblings” or “brothers and sisters” regardless of actual blood relationship.
That said, my sister is non-binary and I’m pretty sure my mom is heavily closeted based on a number of things she’s said to me after I came out.
This isn’t about people who are trans, but there is a fascinating thing called the Fraternal Birth Order, where every male child a mother has, their likelihood of being gay goes up significantly.
Individual responsibility, bootstraps, etc.