(This is a throwaway alt for my main lemmy account because I don’t want to doxx myself. I’m an ally, and my daughter is transfem, but I understand I am not. If I need to remove this post, please let me know.)

Hey all

Early this year I came out as enby. The day I came out, I decided to do something with my mid-back length long hair to feel more femme. As I combed it and actually looked in the mirror for the first time in years, I saw I had thinning hair, looked with an additional mirror/my phone, and sadly came to the realization I had the first few steps of male pattern baldness. I can still ‘hide’ it by combing my hair back, using a small-tooth comb, etc, but soon I won’t be able to hide it.

To my surprise this caused me a massive amount of dysphoria, and I realised that I had only ever been ‘clocked’ as feminine due to my hair, so I had made the connection between the two. I can’t use the hair foams because they are toxic to cats and I would rather die than hurt my cat. I tend to react negatively to a fair number of medicines so the pill options are pretty scary, particularly with ‘permanent E.D.’ being out there. My doctor said I was a good candidate for microneedling/hair transplants, but those are far, far too expensive for me.

My male friends just told me to buzz it off and be done with it. My female/enby friends told me to keep it long for now and go back to my hairdresser when it becomes harder to hide.

I wanted to reach out to my transfem sisters and siblings to see:

Do if any of you had any advice for someone who feels at least part feminine, but doesn’t know what to do to be more femme when shaved headed, or like when to shave their head, etc? Should I just work on my makeup/earring/accessory skills?

Thank you so much <3

Forgot to say I am from Canada if that helps any.

  • @gift_of_gabOP
    8•3 days ago

    Thank you for the response :)

    My hair stylist actually mentioned HRT as a method haha so you aren’t the first. I’m honestly on the fence about it, which is surprising because I didn’t expect that from myself. I’m fine with most of my body, just not my hair haha. I will ask my doctor, thank you :)

    I’ve heard from friends of mine that given how warm I tend to run that a wig would be tough, but yes, I am considering it. It would be a holding action, so to speak, definitely.

    I understand other people could/might be fine if I am bald, but it’s more that I am losing a rather large focus of my femininity, and have to work around that. I mean that’s getting older, this is just more… extreme. I wish I had just gone entirely gray early, that I can work with.

    I do appreciate it, thank you.