i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.
Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?
I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
Hey friend,
Honestly I don’t understand what the difference would be for you.
There’s no badge or membership. Personally I had three benefits of my diagnosis (which is two decades back by now and was as an adult):
I had an easier time understanding my own brain and… Well world perception.
I was able to easier look for help and talk about it.
I was able to test medication (didn’t work our for me back then she took side effects but that’s a different story).
To get a strangers “judgment”: If you just want an excuse for your low energy and failing here and there you don’t have it. If you want guidance and new approaches to improve your life for yourself and then here’s your diagnosis: one of us!
Either way I wish you the best :)
I’m not just looking to apply a label to myself or look for excuses, I’m trying to identify a root cause and “understand my brain” as you put it. I do want guidance and new approaches to life, but that does not mean I have ADHD. If I don’t, I’ll be wasting time and money testing ADHD-oriented meds, therapy, etc. instead of whatever the actual issue is.
Got it. Then the bad news is that when with a diagnosis you’ll have a more of trial and error in front of you. The good news is that man’s of the structural behavioral tools die ADHD will help non ADHD people as well as at their core they work against overburdening the brain.
I think you over worry then die a simple reason: There meds will be clear in few days, a therapist will find ways to help you and you will find things that work for you!
Actually the medication is one of the cleanest diagnostics tools in my opinion: if they give you energy and push you up then your brain did its job already. If they call you down and provide focus then they (literally) filled the gaps in the brain.