I’m 34, and i feel hopeless, ive been in relationships that don’t work out and i end up hurting myself, and i find it really hard to find someone who likes the same things as me, and i blame it on my socioeconomic status and my looks. I try to find somewhere to put the blame, but it’s obvious that it’s me.
54m here and when I was your age, I was in the exact same position. I’m neurodivergent, not particularly good looking, short… Basically, if there is a popular definition of beauty, I’m its opposite. I’m not hideous, or so I’m told, but not good looking.
By the time I was 31, after a spectacularly disastrous relationship, I honestly made the conscious decision on permanent bachelorhood. I stopped even attempting to date. Oh, if some girl made overt signs, which being neurodivergent are the only signs I can pick up on, sure we’d go out on a date. However, I never made a serious effort toward a relationship. Couple of dates and I would either ghost her, or tell her we could be friends, if she was an interesting person. Which was rare and women, in general, do NOT take well to rejection… I mean at all. That was rather eye opening as I’ve been rejected probably hundreds of times in my life and I never behaved in such a manner as a most of these women.
One thing I did do during this time, was make sure I kept healthy friendships, which in of itself is not easy. As by early 30’s most people are married and starting families, which takes all of their time. But because I participated in some team sports and I consistently worked out. NO, this is not going to turn into a “you need to hit the gym” post… It’s just what I did and that turned out to be the vector where I met the future Mrs Canopyflyer. Which is a whole story in of itself, as it took the effort of my gym buddy, who is a former Navy SEAL to convince me to go out on a date with one of coworkers.
So short story long, it was because I kept up a network of friends through team sports and the gym that I finally did find that one in a million lady. Our first date was on St Patricks day of 2004, just a few days before my 34th birthday. From there, we got married in 2005 and went on to have two boys. We’ll be celebrating our 20th next August.
Dating sites, Bars and all that are complete bullshit. If you want to find an actual mate, you need to network, just like finding a job. Make connections with people and through those connections you might find someone.