Start going out for you not for them

What sort of person are you looking for? Liking the same things isn’t necessarily a requirement. I think values, humor, and personality can overcome a lack of shared interests (or where maybe just a handful overlap).

EDIT: this lawyer gives some pretty damn solid advice on finding someone.

I felt like this after the ending of a reeally long relationship, in the end what worked was actually to stop trying so hard.

I came to the conclusion that no relationship lasts forever, and instead of trying so hard to find someone that really gets me, I started caring more about what I wanted and what I enjoyed.

I started seeing relationships more like, well this may work or not, but I’m having fun till now, I’ll enjoy it until I stop enjoying it and after that, no hard feelings, it just didn’t work and that’s fine.

You have to know that you are a whole person by yourself, you don’t really need someone else to complete you, or depend on them. You have to learn to love yourself. If you can muster that confidence to manage that, you’ll find that people will find you more attractive, no matter your looks.

First be happy with yourself.

Then, and only then, can you be happy with other people who are happy to just vibe with you.

I guess enjoy your passions and try to meet people who share the same interested. Don’t focus on the gender or finding a date. Just enjoy yourself. Then, maybe you’ll be happy and alone!

Hah. Or maybe find someone idk

54m here and when I was your age, I was in the exact same position. I’m neurodivergent, not particularly good looking, short… Basically, if there is a popular definition of beauty, I’m its opposite. I’m not hideous, or so I’m told, but not good looking.

By the time I was 31, after a spectacularly disastrous relationship, I honestly made the conscious decision on permanent bachelorhood. I stopped even attempting to date. Oh, if some girl made overt signs, which being neurodivergent are the only signs I can pick up on, sure we’d go out on a date. However, I never made a serious effort toward a relationship. Couple of dates and I would either ghost her, or tell her we could be friends, if she was an interesting person. Which was rare and women, in general, do NOT take well to rejection… I mean at all. That was rather eye opening as I’ve been rejected probably hundreds of times in my life and I never behaved in such a manner as a most of these women.

One thing I did do during this time, was make sure I kept healthy friendships, which in of itself is not easy. As by early 30’s most people are married and starting families, which takes all of their time. But because I participated in some team sports and I consistently worked out. NO, this is not going to turn into a “you need to hit the gym” post… It’s just what I did and that turned out to be the vector where I met the future Mrs Canopyflyer. Which is a whole story in of itself, as it took the effort of my gym buddy, who is a former Navy SEAL to convince me to go out on a date with one of coworkers.

So short story long, it was because I kept up a network of friends through team sports and the gym that I finally did find that one in a million lady. Our first date was on St Patricks day of 2004, just a few days before my 34th birthday. From there, we got married in 2005 and went on to have two boys. We’ll be celebrating our 20th next August.

Dating sites, Bars and all that are complete bullshit. If you want to find an actual mate, you need to network, just like finding a job. Make connections with people and through those connections you might find someone.