Regular reminder that being an asshole is not a symptom of any form of neurodivergence. (You can replace “neurodivergent” with depressed, anxious, bipolar, etc. and the diagram works equally well)
ETA: social faux pas, awkwardness, and genuine symptoms of neurodivergence don’t make you an asshole. I shouldn’t have to say this? An “asshole” is someone who enacts a pattern of abusive, controlling, harassing, and/or harmful behavior with no remorse or concern for how other people are affected.
I had a friend that had a traumatic brain injury and almost lost his leg from an explosion in Iraq. They guy was a loose cannon, so I tried making sure he didn’t do things that were to stupid. He would often run dilemmas by me, and I would talk it out so that he could make healthy choices. I could tell that he kind of looked up to me sometimes. I would hang out with him, give him regular guidance, paint a healthy path for him…but that was pointless. I was too powerless to help this guy. He just wanted to be stupid, drive drunk, run red lights, have ton’s of one-night stands, get into bar fights, hustle money, do drugs, hangout with the wrong crowd, etc. I had to cut him off because he was trying to drag me down into that scene. One time in the middle of the day, I’m riding shotgun with this guy. Everything seems fine. Some guy cuts us off. He gets pissed and pulls out a pistol from the center console to show the guy that cut us off. I’m in the middle of the altercation begging for him to just move on. Luckily, the other guy backed down. The last time I hung out with him, he shows up at my house unannounced and says we’re going out to have fun. My girlfriend gives me the approval. I get in the car with him, and he starts driving to I really don’t know where. A light up ahead turns red, and about 3 seconds into it, we run it without stopping despite my warnings. I then realize this guy had been drinking. I can’t remember how, but I either pulled an Irish goodbye or had my girlfriend pick me up. I never hung out with him again.
Years later, I heard he got married, bought a huge house in a fancy neighborhood, and had five kids. A few years after me drifting away from that entire social circle, a joint friend tells me they heard he was in a halfway house/rehab facility after beating his wife. Some people just can’t function right even with supervision. It was a hard lesson. All things considered, I still feel bad for the guy. I believe he was a good guy deep inside, but needed more supervision than what I could provide as a friend. I hope he recovers for everyone’s sake.
What he really needed was for his country to stop ignoring the true cost of sending troops into dangerous situations and for us to support him properly.
If we as Americans can’t take care of our soldiers once they’ve come home, then we can’t afford to be the world police. I’m thoroughly disgusted and ashamed of my government for allowing this situation to happen.
You are a good person for trying to help him, but realistically he needs constant support from professionals.
I agree with you entirely. Thank you.
Edit: While we’re on the subject, I’m going to voice an opinion. I think that if a person goes into literal combat, that person is now a permanent responsibility of the federal government and is guaranteed a decent life for eternity. Why? Because that person risked literally everything on behalf of everyone else. They risked having a family, living a normal life, mental health, permanent disfigurement, physical ability, and even actual existence. Many of those that went to war never made it back. The ones that did make it back are just like the ones that died, except they were the lucky ones because war doesn’t discriminate based on anything, just sheer luck. Those that survived should be guaranteed a decent life regardless of anything else. Mfing period.
What if they were jerks before joining the military? Stop recruiting jerks. What if they can work but don’t want to? That’s their choice. They volunteered for a position that provides an extremely young retirement age if they survive it. If that seems like an great deal, then sign up for it too. Maybe someone can support this person that clearly has a foundational value of sacrifice and service to their country to the point that they will eagerly sacrifice their life if asked to do so and help them navigate the system so that they can continue contributing how they would like in a manner that provides them fulfillment while also adds the community. What if they merely did it for the benefits of having a guaranteed decent life? Then it seems to have worked out for them. The ones that it didn’t workout for are dead. The assumed reason for their sacrifice is irrelevant because the actual concrete facts are that they did it. Someone had to do it based on our geopolitical situation. If we are a democracy, then we chose to send our own countrymen to war. Thus, it is everyone’s responsibility.
These aren’t criminals that need rehabilitation. These aren’t lazy parasites that are trying to get by off of everyone else’s labor and need to be forced to work by the fear of homelessness and ostracization. These are people that voluntarily agreed to take the toll of war for everyone else because the country went to war and everyone received the benefits. Veterans experience the damage 24/7 for eternity. They will never have what civilians have. So, the rest of us can help with that load by supporting them however needed. At the end of the day, we all get to go home without a care in the world for war. They can never escape it because it’s in them.
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War. War. War. It’s all war. So what if nothing.
My exfriend that was a complete mess? He needs to be supervised and checked in on often. Give him a case worker that talks to him on a regular basis. Maybe they have lunch together once a week or whatever. The case worker has a cell phone and is on call in case my exfriend needs to speak with someone before doing anything stupid. If my exfriend starts dating someone again, the case worker meets with that person and they stay in contact as well. Ensure that they know what they are getting into and ensure safety. And like you said, if the government and citizenry doesn’t want to do that, then they should stop sending people to war. If they think it’s a great deal and want those benefits (compensation) for themselves, they can volunteer go to war. I say this as someone that is extremely anti-war, in part, because of what it does to the combatants and their families. Want to see it for yourself? Volunteer at an event for disabled veterans. Look at their faces. Look at their behaviors. Look at their friends & family. Feel the vibe.
How is this even a topic of discussion? How is this not evident? I don’t understand how we are having these discussions. The discussions should be how can we improve their lives. WTF. I need a break. I’m too heated rn. I may have gone overboard, so I might be back to tone it down later if I think it’s appropriate. Sorry.