I have a higher chance of birthing a developmentally disabled child if I actually do get pregnant. Is it wrong to be 100% against birthing my own child solely because of this.? I was misdiagnosed and was in an aba institution for 10 years, and dehumanized and alienated by family the whole time. When I got to a real high school, I was treated like an infant or a wild bear, nothing in between. I wholeheartedly believe that regardless of whatever I accomplish in my life, I would have been much better off never born, euthanized, or murdered.
I don’t want to force this experience on anyone else if I can prevent it from happening. It’s not just the abuse in the aba institutions but treatment literally everywhere. In high school everyone had brand name clothes, apple technology, brand headphones, etc. No one cared. I had off brand clothes, cheap headphones, a Microsoft Surface and a Galaxy phone, and was treated like a rich scumbag, like I was Brian Thompson’s privileged daughter who had everything because her dad made everyone suffer. Literally not having brand name clothes was status against everyone else. I couldn’t afford them even if I did want to wear clothes advertising the store it came from. I never understood the appeal of that. But everyone saw somebody below them with some nice things, and even worse, preferences.
Being a joke to the people who “love” you, having all your “friends” be people school staff begged to talk to you so you don’t kill someone, and having the same disorder that made you less of a human be the reason why you accomplished something mundane like passing a class with a 60 grade is just not a life worth living. Watching everyone else get to be real humans with real happiness, real hobbies and interests, and real personalities while you need to hide everything about yourself is not a life worth living. There’s just no reason to live on the wrong side of society. I wish my mother had just aborted me when there were signs I wasn’t going to make it. I’m not making the same mistake.
I’m “different”. Was never treated kindly or with understanding because of it, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted children, but was eventually forced into a situation where I felt I didn’t have a choice but to birth a child. So I did.
I eventually got away from the people who continued to harm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Further along, I realized that my child was like me… “different.”
But, y’know… he is turning out very different than I did… better. Happier. Thriving. Hopeful. I never wanted him to turn out like me, so I tried to make sure he had everything I didn’t: a loving, supportive adult who took care of him and made sure he knew he was loved, no matter what. He can talk to me about anything without fear. Knows that the words of those who care about him are more true than that of those who don’t. He’s encouraged to be curious, kind, and thoughtful.
There are some things I have unfortunately unconsciously put upon him, though… like my fear of failure. But… we acknowledged this together and now we both are working on it.
TL;DR: In the end… you don’t have to have a child for literally any reason. It’s your choice. What others say do not matter, because this is your choice. But, to me… it seems like you fear having a child because you believe they will be treated like you were. If you don’t believe you are able to provide that kind of love to a child that will allow them to truly feel loved, accepted, and supported, that’s alright. Not everyone is ready.
If you are not ready to take on another life, that’s alright. You don’t have to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s up to you, my dear.
No matter your choice, you are also deserving of love and understanding. I hope that you are able continue healing from your time being treated so badly. You didn’t deserve that.
Your stance sounds like “too many people are assholes, this world is not worth living in” - arguably true, on the other hand, that gives the assholes all the power.
Upvoted, also torn. Because even if this person or any individual wants to “stand against” assholes so “they don’t give them all the power”, effects will probably be minimal but the effort expended won’t be.
I had some people giving me shit when I was in my young to mid-twenties. My dad’s advice: “Prove them wrong! Do x, do y, do z…” So…do all these things & live your life…to gain the approval of assholes, people who don’t really matter, people you don’t like? Nah. I’m going to do what I want.
I know my personal experience doesn’t map perfectly on your conversation & points, but idk I think it’s similar. I think they have the power because they’re assholes, because they seek out power over others. Perhaps the best course of action is to ignore the assholes & not give them any more of your time, consideration than is absolutely necessary. Live your life the way you want to live it.
Back to the main convo, idk. Personally, I find myself becoming more anti-natal. Have strong prevention game. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
It’s an issue when the assholes are authority who literally raise you to be a failure. Obeying them makes you grow into a failure, and actually trying to grow is rebellion. And doing anything out of line, like using a gift card app to buy body wash when your parents refused to buy it for you, and showering, can get you put in a home for the rest of your life. Obviously I wouldn’t treat my child that way but they’ll need to choose between listening to their parents or listening to their teachers, the latter deliberately trying to make my child a failure so they can “know their place”.
I have a higher chance of birthing a developmentally disabled child if I actually do get pregnant. Is it wrong to be 100% against birthing my own child solely because of this.? I was misdiagnosed and was in an aba institution for 10 years, and dehumanized and alienated by family the whole time. When I got to a real high school, I was treated like an infant or a wild bear, nothing in between. I wholeheartedly believe that regardless of whatever I accomplish in my life, I would have been much better off never born, euthanized, or murdered.
I don’t want to force this experience on anyone else if I can prevent it from happening. It’s not just the abuse in the aba institutions but treatment literally everywhere. In high school everyone had brand name clothes, apple technology, brand headphones, etc. No one cared. I had off brand clothes, cheap headphones, a Microsoft Surface and a Galaxy phone, and was treated like a rich scumbag, like I was Brian Thompson’s privileged daughter who had everything because her dad made everyone suffer. Literally not having brand name clothes was status against everyone else. I couldn’t afford them even if I did want to wear clothes advertising the store it came from. I never understood the appeal of that. But everyone saw somebody below them with some nice things, and even worse, preferences.
Being a joke to the people who “love” you, having all your “friends” be people school staff begged to talk to you so you don’t kill someone, and having the same disorder that made you less of a human be the reason why you accomplished something mundane like passing a class with a 60 grade is just not a life worth living. Watching everyone else get to be real humans with real happiness, real hobbies and interests, and real personalities while you need to hide everything about yourself is not a life worth living. There’s just no reason to live on the wrong side of society. I wish my mother had just aborted me when there were signs I wasn’t going to make it. I’m not making the same mistake.
I’m “different”. Was never treated kindly or with understanding because of it, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted children, but was eventually forced into a situation where I felt I didn’t have a choice but to birth a child. So I did.
I eventually got away from the people who continued to harm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Further along, I realized that my child was like me… “different.”
But, y’know… he is turning out very different than I did… better. Happier. Thriving. Hopeful. I never wanted him to turn out like me, so I tried to make sure he had everything I didn’t: a loving, supportive adult who took care of him and made sure he knew he was loved, no matter what. He can talk to me about anything without fear. Knows that the words of those who care about him are more true than that of those who don’t. He’s encouraged to be curious, kind, and thoughtful.
There are some things I have unfortunately unconsciously put upon him, though… like my fear of failure. But… we acknowledged this together and now we both are working on it.
TL;DR: In the end… you don’t have to have a child for literally any reason. It’s your choice. What others say do not matter, because this is your choice. But, to me… it seems like you fear having a child because you believe they will be treated like you were. If you don’t believe you are able to provide that kind of love to a child that will allow them to truly feel loved, accepted, and supported, that’s alright. Not everyone is ready.
If you are not ready to take on another life, that’s alright. You don’t have to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s up to you, my dear.
No matter your choice, you are also deserving of love and understanding. I hope that you are able continue healing from your time being treated so badly. You didn’t deserve that.
Take care of yourself.
No. It actually seems very plausible.
In addition, I would recommend to seek a therapy because such heavy trauma do not easily heal by themselves.
You have every right to not have kids. This reason is as valid as any.
I’m sorry for your experience. I hope you’re doing better now
Your stance sounds like “too many people are assholes, this world is not worth living in” - arguably true, on the other hand, that gives the assholes all the power.
Upvoted, also torn. Because even if this person or any individual wants to “stand against” assholes so “they don’t give them all the power”, effects will probably be minimal but the effort expended won’t be.
I had some people giving me shit when I was in my young to mid-twenties. My dad’s advice: “Prove them wrong! Do x, do y, do z…” So…do all these things & live your life…to gain the approval of assholes, people who don’t really matter, people you don’t like? Nah. I’m going to do what I want.
I know my personal experience doesn’t map perfectly on your conversation & points, but idk I think it’s similar. I think they have the power because they’re assholes, because they seek out power over others. Perhaps the best course of action is to ignore the assholes & not give them any more of your time, consideration than is absolutely necessary. Live your life the way you want to live it.
Back to the main convo, idk. Personally, I find myself becoming more anti-natal. Have strong prevention game. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
It’s an issue when the assholes are authority who literally raise you to be a failure. Obeying them makes you grow into a failure, and actually trying to grow is rebellion. And doing anything out of line, like using a gift card app to buy body wash when your parents refused to buy it for you, and showering, can get you put in a home for the rest of your life. Obviously I wouldn’t treat my child that way but they’ll need to choose between listening to their parents or listening to their teachers, the latter deliberately trying to make my child a failure so they can “know their place”.