A rant. FYI, this post might be a but triggering for some.
She called about ADHD. She was renewing her nursing license (though she’s retired) and said she took a course on adult ADHD. She said she felt bad that she has been so ignorant about it, and that she didn’t know I was suffering all this time.
I didn’t, but I wanted to say, “what the fuck do you mean you didn’t know??? How???”
I literally requested help for it at like 13, but the doctor gave up on it immediately after I was on Concerta for just a few weeks because I was FORGETTING TO TAKE IT (???). She said, “you’re just depressed and anxious”. Okay??? As if it’s impossible to have ADHD too???
Never mind the fact that when the doctor dismissed me the first time, it took me crying to get her to even consider it the first place.
My parents didn’t even say anything when she took me off of Concerta and reiterated that she thought i just had depression and anxiety. They just accepted it even though I KNEW I had it. I did the research, because no one else was going to, clearly. And I knew my feelings usually weren’t taken seriously, anyway.
I was finally able to get medicated just recently. I’m 32. I appreciate her trying now, but I needed help then. My life could’ve been so much different if I hadn’t been easily and frequently dismissed.
I’ll certainly not fuck up this specific thing as a parent, but can’t help but wonder if I fuck up things with equal or higher impact.
I try to keep an open mind, watch out for wrong decisions and judgements, and hope that it doesn’t come to that - or that, with such diligence, my apology will be accepted when the day comes.