Dear Aldis…

Why are you like this? I show up to buy ramen noodles, and I can’t find them. So I think “Did they move them? There’s not an empty space on the shelf where they used to be. Either they moved them, or they no longer carry them.”

So I ask a person, who’s stocking shelves with a look on her face that tells me she’s now 3 hours behind schedule and worried about being tied to the rack after her shift and whipped mercilessly. That mixture of anxiety and fear make me even hesitant to break her concentration. So I ask another employee who’s seemingly having a staring competition with a milk carton. I can’t tell if she’s winning or losing. Either way I’m fairly sure she’s high as balls. I ask her if they’ve moved the ramen noodles. The response I’m met with is “Oooooh, yeah, maybe.”

…ok? Can you maybe point me in the right direction?

“Well, they’re probably getting ready for valentines day. They sometimes change the packaging to be holiday themed”.

At this point, I’m thinking she misheard me? Because when the fuck have you EVER seen valentines day themed ramen noodles??? I’m not talking about fancy shit. I’m talking those little tiny packs of noodles you get for like 50 cents each. The cheap shit!

So I ask “No, I’m asking about RAMEN noodles.”

and she replies back like I’m stupid “Yeah, we’re probably waiting on the valentines day packaging.”

Now, I’m fairly sure since I asked twice, and made sure to enunciate clearly the second time, I’m fairly sure she didn’t mishear me, but there’s still SOME miscommunication going on. I just have no idea what…so I don’t know how to move this conversation along. My brain is really struggling to even comprehend what a valentines day ramen noodle would be. Like, is it just pink packaging with hearts? Are the pre-cooked noodles shaped like a heart instead of a square? Is it a special flavor? I’m totally lost by what we’re discussing at this point.

Just then another guy walks by dragging a big cart behind him to stock shelves. And she says over to him “Hey, are we still waiting for the valentines day ramen?” and he says yes. He just agrees with her.

I’m fairly sure they’re messing with me at this point. I don’t know what is happening or even what to envision with valentines day ramen noodles.

WHAT THE HELL IS IT???

I just googled it, and I’m finding stuffed animals from 5 below in the shape of ramen noodles…which, just in itself…what?

I’m finding etsy products where they take ramen noodle imagery, and valentines day imagery, and make a pink wrapper for the noodles…again…what?

But I’m not finding official products from any ramen noodles producer that seem to be real. So. What the hell just happened???

Then I go over to where the hot chocolate packs are. I buy 1 pack every 2 weeks in the winter. The space where they’d normally be is totally empty. So I sigh, and walk away. That week our current temperatures were negative 5. I can fully understand why hot chocolate sold out that week.

Next week I go in. Temperatures are now 25 degrees. Still not warm, but not nipple hardeningly cold as it was. Still though, it’s been almost 2 weeks at this point since I had hot chocolate. Still none.

Last week I go. Still a bare shelf. At this point I want to ask an employee if they’ve stopped carrying it, or if there’s some manufacture issue. But that didn’t exactly go great last time, and my sanity isn’t exactly my strong suit right now. I’m not sure I could handle being told some random bullshit like Marty McFly came back from the distant future year of 2015, and took them all. This was almost a month ago, so I don’t think the new tariffs, even if they would be affected, would be in place yet.

And I can’t even call Aldi’s before I leave my house to go get hot chocolate. I’d love to just call and ask “Hey, is it on the shelf right now? It’s not? Well that saves me 45 minutes coming out there for something you don’t have! Thanks!”

Instead, I just gotta roll the dice, possibly waste my day off, and don’t talk to anyone. That’s what obtaining hot chocolate has come to. I’m legitimately considering going to Walgreens…but then I remember that they always have the same cashier, who always wants to talk your ear off. And I’m sorry, but I don’t give a shit about your kids. I don’t care what award he won in 3rd grade. I don’t care about his peanut allergies. I’ve never met your kids. I have no interest in doing so. I’m just here to buy whatever handful of items you happen to carry that are hard to find elsewhere. Which apparently no longer includes DVD-R’s. I wanted to buy a small bundle of maybe 10. I understood I’d be overpaying, but fuck it. I just wanted to get home, use 1, and throw 9 in a drawer to never be used again. But no. Walgreens doesn’t even carry them anymore. They’ll carry a USB stick of 8gb for $30, but no DVD-R’s. In fact the cashier didn’t even know what I was talking about. She used the excuse “DVD what? Like the players?” “No, these are like the discs, except they’re blank. You can write data to them.” “No, we sell some DVD movies that nobody ever buys…” and points to a bin of movies that nobody should ever buy. Why are these here? Why do these even exist at all? Who is ever going to buy a Tim Allen movie called “Restless for the holidays”? See you’ve never heard of that movie, and don’t know if I just made it up, but it serves the example of the level of movies they’re carrying in the Walgreens $5 dvd bin. All that to say that no, these dvd’s are not DVD-Rs. And she says to me “Oh…I don’t know what they are. I’m too young for that.”

Was NOT angry before she said that. I was disappointed. THAT comment brought me to “NOW LISTEN HERE YA LITTLE SHIT!!!” levels of anger internally. Holy shit. I have a good poker face, so she never even knew I was mad, but oh my god.

All of this entire post just to say, that I’m cold in my apartment, and instead of using my new electric kettle I got in December, I’m sitting at my desk in a sweater! A SWEATER!!! LIKE A PLEB!!! ARE YOU HAPPY ALDI’S??? YOU DID THIS!!!