On the outside yes haha. I think she stopped taking it after that. And it’s the only one that works for me either. It’s just so weird!
He had redeeming qualities but he is always a manipulator and liar under it all. I really should have left long ago. He seems different than typical douchy men in that he’s progressive at least as a front, but he’s said some racist shit to me in private when in a rage that speaks the truth to who he is, despite liking black history, etc. I keep thinking about his mother lately who I haven’t seen in over 20 years, and the weird things she would do to pit her kids against each other, and dismay people by giving them gifts of literal trash. You know when people ask what the worst Christmas gift you ever got was? She would give me her very used bathrobe and other things that would be literally garbage to anyone else, that she had picked up off the ground, simply so people would be disturbed and provoked by her. She wore mosquito netting to her daughter’s outdoor wedding because West Nile was an issue that year, and is smirking in all the pictures under it. My therapist calls this malignant narcissism, and while he doesn’t give gifts of trash, instead he’ll buy me something that’s really unique and thoughtful, but if you understand the subtext it really all belongs to him, and it’s so he can post pictures on Instagram to display his fine taste in things. If I moved out and tried to take those things with me, it would quickly become clear who they really belong to. I basically own my clothes, books, and toiletries, and everything else is his. It’s partly why I can’t move out.
I wish I had had children. But not with him. I would have liked to foster kids, I would be very good at that. I hold babies and kids at church all the time and will babysit their kids, and it’s so much fun for me. I wish I had taken a different pathway. I grew up with a BPD mom, who is really dangerous and vicious and manipulative, and my therapist says when you’ve been traumatized by a parent like that, someone who is similar will seek you out and try and make it seem like they’ve rescued you.
I’m just sorry it all turned out this way. The rest of my life is reasonably happy if quiet, but this is a huge thing.
On the outside yes haha. I think she stopped taking it after that. And it’s the only one that works for me either. It’s just so weird!
He had redeeming qualities but he is always a manipulator and liar under it all. I really should have left long ago. He seems different than typical douchy men in that he’s progressive at least as a front, but he’s said some racist shit to me in private when in a rage that speaks the truth to who he is, despite liking black history, etc. I keep thinking about his mother lately who I haven’t seen in over 20 years, and the weird things she would do to pit her kids against each other, and dismay people by giving them gifts of literal trash. You know when people ask what the worst Christmas gift you ever got was? She would give me her very used bathrobe and other things that would be literally garbage to anyone else, that she had picked up off the ground, simply so people would be disturbed and provoked by her. She wore mosquito netting to her daughter’s outdoor wedding because West Nile was an issue that year, and is smirking in all the pictures under it. My therapist calls this malignant narcissism, and while he doesn’t give gifts of trash, instead he’ll buy me something that’s really unique and thoughtful, but if you understand the subtext it really all belongs to him, and it’s so he can post pictures on Instagram to display his fine taste in things. If I moved out and tried to take those things with me, it would quickly become clear who they really belong to. I basically own my clothes, books, and toiletries, and everything else is his. It’s partly why I can’t move out.
I wish I had had children. But not with him. I would have liked to foster kids, I would be very good at that. I hold babies and kids at church all the time and will babysit their kids, and it’s so much fun for me. I wish I had taken a different pathway. I grew up with a BPD mom, who is really dangerous and vicious and manipulative, and my therapist says when you’ve been traumatized by a parent like that, someone who is similar will seek you out and try and make it seem like they’ve rescued you.
I’m just sorry it all turned out this way. The rest of my life is reasonably happy if quiet, but this is a huge thing.
I’m sorru for sort of stopping thr conversation.
I don’t want to offend you in any way.
I’ll just link a music video that’ll convey feelings so I don’t have to comment on anything specific.
Doctor Who | Change
No offense at all. This was beautiful and thank you for reminding me.