I have been going to therapy off and on for years and whenever I bring up my desire to date and my difficulties with it I have gotten back to just work on myself and online I have seen “if you aren’t happy alone you won’t be happy in a relationship”. I have major depression and have had it for years. Am I supposed to just hope it goes away? Wait until my entire life has passed?
Allow me to paint a picture:
In your heart, you’ve got a little cup full of love. Sounds like yours is running on fumes.
Your hope is that someone else will fill this cup for you. But I’m saying you need to learn to fill it yourself first. Why?
Because love isn’t a free refill station—it’s an exchange. We trade sips from one another’s heart cups. Some people need a big sip. Some barely need any at all. Must be nice… 😒
So if you meet someone with a big, full cup, ready to share—what do you have to give them? If you don’t know how to refill your own, that love becomes a finite resource. Your partner pours into you, but you have nothing to pour back. And eventually, that drains them. It doesn’t lead to happiness—it leads to burnout, imbalance, and a slow spiral back to despair.
This is why you need a source from within. Not because love doesn’t exist. But because the best love is shared, not depended on.
I mean it sounds like you are describing someone who is selfish that demands much and returns little of those around them. I don’t believe I do that. But you are saying I will if I don’t figure out my self esteem issues before hand?
I’m saying if you don’t have a way to get self worth from yourself then you will be stuck dependent on your partner, and they will not always be able to provide that. It’s a skill that you need to be in a functional relationship.