Particularly - America.

I personally have found that, I live in the past to cope. Nostalgia is my drug. It sometimes doesn’t help because all it does is that it makes me yearn and beg for things to be back to where things were. Because it warps my mind into opening time capsules whenever I watch an old show or listen to an episode of some niche radio show that long stopped producing new material.

However, it helps because, it at least reminds me that there are some things that I can revisit. If I couldn’t revisit anything, play the games I played, read the books I read, watched the movies/shows I used to, then I’d be up shit’s creek because I’d have to face the fucked up things people consider what are the ‘best that’s offered’.

    • djsoren19English
      2•17 hours ago

      As long as there’s a chance of revolution, I’ll stay alive to see it. I don’t see a reason to take my own life when I’ll soon have an opportunity to give it willingly.

    • @[email protected]English
      6•1 day ago

      When I was a teenager I was way into eastern spirituality and meditation, taoism. People think meditating is having no thoughts. The thoughts are still there. They speed through your mind like cars on a train. Meditation is letting each individual car pass you buy. You let the cars blur by, not trying to focus on the individual cars. It’s a blur, and you eventually see them as a train going by not the singular box cars.

      I bring this up because during some of the darker days in my life, I let time pass by me in such a way. Each day fading into the next, slipping through my fingers as though it were sand. It helped me not focus on the train car I was currently in. Carrying on autopilot. Like fast forwarding on that Click movie.

      Sorry this was so long winded. I just have shared your feelings for a long time throughout my life, and this stuff helped me through what I felt trapped in earlier on life. Addicted to spooky drugs. Homeless. No jobs. Felt like I was at the bottom on the ocean there was so much pressure. I hope you find your way through these feelings. Not tryjng to tell you how to feel or what to do. I definitely understand how you feel. Some one else cant make you feel better.

      Better circumstances would be a huge help i know that. I made it to the next day bitter and jaded and pissed. I wish life could be easy, and giving up is easy. I can’t tell you for sure things will get better, but time will carry us forward. If you can’t find something in the now, live for the maybe.

      Peace.

      • @[email protected]English
        3•1 day ago

        Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. I appreciate it and your perspective. Logically I can understand and accept what you’re saying, but emotionally I’m not so lucky.

        I’ve struggled with my mental health for most of my life anyway, but I lost my wife, 2 cats, FIL and everything I owned in a house fire that I, for whatever reason, walked away from last April. I’ve spent the last year trying to understand it, and the conclusion I’ve come to is death. No matter the highs or the lows, the recognition of the present or the expectation of better days, death seems to hold the most weight. I’m tired, you know? Not like a long day tired, but like my soul, if it exists, is tired.

        I’m in therapy and have been for years, and I know the tricks pretty well. I have a cat and a few friends that for better or for worse guilt me into staying, but they don’t know this pain thankfully. We’re all going to die one day anyway so what’s it matter if I, 1 meaningless person out of 8 billion, goes early? That’s where I weigh the pros and cons.