So I started talking to this guy in November. I really like him and he says the same. We are long distance of 7 hours so it’s not so so bad and we see each other here and there when he’s down here for work. Anyways… lately I’ve been feeling self - conscious and scared of him being bored / abandoning me. I had a bad past with my ex (he would compare me to other girls towards the end of our relationship and tell me he’s watching twerking lives to my face). And I’ve had anxious detachment relationships with my dad as we used to fight and not talk a lot so these feelings stem from trauma.
Anyways long story short. I obviously looked through his following. Nothing bad. He was following this one Instagram famous girl who post like thirst pics and whatever (boobs popping out, tongue out, etc) super gorgeous but the photos know what they r doing lol. Anyways, she was live and I joined and I said haha my man follows you. Take in, he liked her picture 2 days ago and it upset me because I don’t look anything like her and he wasn’t even liking my own stories. How do I have other men liking my stories but not him?! Lol. Anyways, I told her that she’s like oh eww girl lemme block him for you. I was surprised and I’m like sure lol. I told her if she can just remove him from her followers list and she did. She and her other viewers were telling me to see if he follows her back because then he’s noticing it. I feel so toxic that I’ve done this and so grossed out from myself. Oh btw, she said he would always text her and send her memes and say she looks good. But she said the last time he did that was November which is when we started talking so it’s fine I guess. But I don’t follow any men who post stuff like that so I found it so annoying that he liked the picture when it should’ve reminded him to unfollow her lol. Maybe I’m just mentally ill.
We also haven’t been talking as much the last couple days because when I found out I felt so gross and then I broke down to him (I didn’t tell him) about how I’m scared of the future and what will happen (I’m seeing him in two days and he said we will talk about it in person) but not texting all day until night (work stuff for him lol) is taking a toll of me . But it’s only temporarily as he’s down here for work but whatever. I get people have lives.
I just feel like I give so much of myself and my happiness, even faking it all the time, to not feel it in return. It feels like men r so interested at first but then they think ur so wrapped around their finger that they can start showing u less attention.
But he is a great guy and he hasn’t done anything wrong except that unless im just crazy. But he does treat me good. I might’ve got too vulnerable with him, he got me flowers and I cried like…. And when he told me to my eyes how much he loves spending time with me and it makes him happy i cried too because im not used to those things and hearing those words. Maybe that was a mistake
So like, I wasn’t much better when I was 21, but I do think you did go a bit far here.
It is not your place to ban him or control what he does online, you can however tell him it makes you sad that he watches others. You said as much ypurself and you should probably explain and apologize for the overreach, but explain why. I personally think that watching porn has nothing to do with any partber you may have. It is not a real relationship and possibly even a problem he has, no way to know. What it doesn’t do tho is reflect on you. Finding any other person attractive doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive, there is no correlation.
You should talk it out, without blaming him but explaining that it makes you worried and sad and why, and unless you present it like “he should have known” he will listen if he cares about you. This is not a he problem or a you problem it is a plural you problem (god this sounds better in languages with more exact wording…)
My name don’t apologize, you’ve get every right to be upset by that, and it’s literally so stupid but I liked the meme, I didn’t even register that it was a thirst trap. I don’t think I’ve ever watched her lives either so I have no idea what she does there. We can talk about this on Friday as well, but it’s literally so stupid on my part. I’m not sure when the last time I sent a dm to her, but by no means did I ever put the comparison of you and her in my head. I deleted the conversation from my dms because I was embarrassed with it. I haven’t liked a post of her since like November when we started talking, but I didn’t even realize what that would do to you.
You’re right it is rude, and I’m embarrassed by it and I feel gross.
This is what he said.
I feel so appreciated
Well that’s a nice guy
Super 🥲🥲😍😍
Yes, I texted him, explained what I did and why because of how it made me feel. How it brought up a trigger I never knew I had. Etc etc. I hope it works out but I’m worried. I only get insecure and jealous when I’m with / like a guy. When I’m doing my own thing I’m perfectly fine. I’ve gained so much confidence compared to a year ago which I’m proud of. I got diagnosed with a thyroid disease two years ago and had put on weight due to it which is why my confidence has plummeted. I’m working on it though.