i can tell you that NOBODY wants me involved in anything anymore. even my own social groups have taken to being like ‘we have too many white men, they are bad, we need to attract more people of color and women and trans people because they are special and good by default and white men are bad by default’. it’s infuriating and depressing that i’m basically told to f off when I want to contribute to my community.

I don’t doubt that you find the left’s current politic alienating in and of itself (lord knows it can be bewildering), but I have SERIOUS doubts that reality is anything like what you’re describing here. I’m a gun-toting, outdoor-type leftist whose predominantly queer/non-white friends (I live in a big city) always find me more of a novelty than a threat. They look at me like through the walls of a fishbowl, unable to understand a lot of what I believe but also appreciative that I’m an ally on core issues that matter to them. Not once has anyone ever looked at me or any of my other cis white male friends and told them to fuck off unless it’s someone coming in with a chip on their shoulder who feels like they need to prove something by being a confrontational asshole. I suggest you reflect less on what you feel like people believe about you when you’re not around and more on how they treat you when you are. They’re not nearly as threatened or upset by you as you think.

and that is just like… insta banned/hated if that ever comes up from my leftist people. who are typically upper middle class people pretending to be working-class for fun.

The way you phrase this tells me you’re gleaning many of your conclusions from online spaces, rather than face-to-face real life. That’s probably why you feel the way you do. I actually have serious doubts that you have any meaningful personal relationships with leftists who aren’t cartoons or provocateurs. Perhaps the way you’re received online has to do with the fact that your stories are so over-the-top and on-the-nose as to seem deliberately hyperbolic.