In light of certain recent government regulations redefining “child” to mean anyone under the age of 18, I would like to propose that we should adjust other terms for people of specific ages to match this new and increasingly popular language regime:
Child: Ages 13-17 Toddler: Ages 9-12 Infant: Ages 5-8 Newborn: Age 2-4 Foetus: Under 2 years old
So I can finally abort those crying foetuses on my next plane flight depending on which state we’re over