Hey, so… I may be in this situation soon, and I may just be in over my head here, but I’m a sucker who really couldn’t say no to this.
This kid took care of his grandmother as she deteriorated and finally died. He was there when it happened. She had a degenerative disease and the kid’s mom left him with her so she could “babysit” him, when in reality, this kid was the only one looking after her. His parent is a working single mom, so it’s really not her fault, but, like… damn.
The kid is 8 years old.
Kid’s dad is just gone. Disappeared. Has been since he was tiny.
He sometimes is watched over by his aunt, but she & the nieces just literally ignore him. He says that he just sat quietly on the couch for days. They fed him and whatever, but that family has their own batshit fuckery going on. Not mentally stable, tbh. The aunt is very hostile and I think he is scared of her.
He’s one of my in-law’s kids (whom I don’t even know well), but, like… holy shit. He and his mom now live in the deceased grandmother’s house, but she now has no one to watch over him. He has been going to work with her and being told to sit quietly and do not much else. They’re now almost an hour away from his school, so he may lose that part of his stability, too.
Again… he’s 8. And holy shit, kid barely talks. He’s so well-behaved and meek, it actually alarms me greatly. He used to hang out with my brother’s kids, but my brother moved out of state. He came back this week and was asked to watch over the kid while he and his kids were in town. This is when I’ve most recently reconnected with the kid, but I’ve met him before when my brother was still in town.
I have room in my home. I’m a single parent, too, but I’m fortunate to work from home and have a kid who’s 12 who could hang out, play video games with him, take him to the park, and whatever. I’m close to his school. I don’t have much right now, but, like… fuck, I want to give this kid a good, loving space, stability, and get him into therapy, for fucks sake.
I don’t give a shit about what your opinion of the mom is. I met her like twice. I also don’t plan to adopt this kid or anything (unless it really comes to that but that’s not a thing right now since he obviously has a parent), but I just need advice on how I should navigate this.
Medical needs? Can I get him into therapy without trouble? Will I need the parent’s permission? What should I ask her for? I’m not sure she’d be okay giving me his documents if this is temporary, but FUCK there’s a lot to do. I want to do something right for this kid.
Help? Please?
Do you live close enough to his school to offer (effectively) childcare during the week plus any time she is working at the weekends?
If so, you don’t need to take him off her or present it as that kind of threat. Just give her some space to get her shit together without forcing the kid along for the ride.
If you don’t live close enough to his school, it gets a lot more complicated.
(Apologies if I’ve missed this detail somewhere.)
She’s currently not even in town right now, which may force this kid to switch schools. I really don’t want that, as this kid has already gone through enough changes and trauma in these past few months. I live only a short way from his school.
To be clear: I’m not asking her to hand over her kid– she’s willingly offering him up to people (she knows) who will take him. Since my brother vouched for me + he & his kids spent the most time watching the kid in the past, his recommendation of me might make me the best candidate here.
Then you’re in a perfect position to help him out.
Make sure he gets a say in it. Invite him into your life, don’t just make sure you’re the next dumping ground for him, if that makes sense. Kid needs a sense of agency, I’m sure. And he needs to know that someone wants him around.
And make sure he has trusted adults outside your household he can talk to if things get difficult at any point. Your brother sounds perfect for that. Weekly phone calls or something to check in with him. It’s important that he knows he can tell someone if he’s being treated badly. Not that you will, but he needs to know that f anything goes wrong, he has someone he can tell about it.
This will not be easy. But if you’re in a position to do it, it’d be a great thing to do.
Good luck.