Never thought it’d happen to me. It did. Been Clean a bit over a year. I got a couple crazy stories for sure. AMA
Edit: this is pretty personal, the answers kinda long, and I can’t touch on everything, but I’ll try my best. Thanks for reading.
Never thought it’d happen to me. It did. Been Clean a bit over a year. I got a couple crazy stories for sure. AMA
Edit: this is pretty personal, the answers kinda long, and I can’t touch on everything, but I’ll try my best. Thanks for reading.
I kicked Oxycontin a very long time ago, but spent nearly two years in an immensely deep depression that I felt as though I’d never come out of. There was no joy left in my soul. How long did it take you to come back, and are you still struggling?
Great fkn question fr. Deserves a good a swer so I’ll try.
OK so on the tail end of my run I was stacking benzos on tip to fight my bleak utter nothing of a life. I kept a slip knot tied in my top drawer, knowing id never use it, just to remind me how much I apparently loove suffering.
I’ve always been an extremely spiritual being. Not religious. Just whole. Or I thought I was. But the things I knew and understood, I never put them into practice. I was using.
That whole time I was training myself to deal with trauma, adversity this that the third, so but the time I got clean I had a whole entire blue print for how to live.
It was literally a light switch going on.
I remember the day quite vividly. I was in jail on mail intake, it was a coupke weeks in, i was through the worst. A little skin crawly but No seizures. Nothing. I made a cup of Ramen noodles and tuna pouch with this older gangbanger turned family man from PR who threw in some cool ranch doritos, and a homeless kid who presented himself as literally Jesus christ.
I swear I never had so much fun in my life as I did in jail.
I realized long ago that happiness is a choice. It’s just a perspective. You have to want to be happy. To cultivate that. Cause life only means what you want it to, and our brains are pliable. You can rewire your brain. Those old dead power lines will always be there, but you can run new ones.
The brain and life itself are really quite remarkable. That is my perspective now. I’m just being.
My man, this is completely it. I got clean in 2008 from iv heroin and cocaine. I was at death’s doorstep when I made an attempt on my own life. But it is ultimately a choice. Since then I’ve gotten married, bought a house, had kids and am living a life worth living and loving it all. Is it hard and stressful at times, absolutely, but it is 100% worth it.
Edit: grammar
I’m glad your still with us dude, I’m sure you are a better person because of it. I know despair all too well, and it’s something I don’t ever want to experience again. I can deal with just about anything, but being a slave to my own bullshit, biology, and emotions is not it. (: