It’s now my one year “anniversary” of my psych med “journey”. I just feel so frustrated.

The providers always ask me how I’m doing and if I think X drug we are trying right now helps. I always have no fucking clue.

I keep a mood log and everything, but I cannot for the life of me discern any sort of pattern for any of these. One month will be fantastic and the next month will be so horrible and painful it’s like someone is boring a hole through my body with a branding iron.

My provider is having me take the GeneSight test to figure out if there is a particular option I should be trying. But I am just so exhausted with this that I’m considering the next med to be my final straw.

I do NOT have bipolar disorder. I do NOT have chronic low mood. I do NOT have lack of emotions. I do NOT have PTSD. I have periods of extreme, unbearable intensity with periods of normal in between. I have relational trauma. Since my issues are intermittent, I cannot for the life of me tell if I am ever helped by anything.

I am currently in an intensive DBT program. While it has been a lifesaver when I have “simple” problems, it does not touch the intense pain of others.

Some research I do seems to indicate my problem cannot be even minimally helped by meds, which is incredibly frustrating. I want even just a little bit of something to help reduce my pain. :(

How can I figure this out?

  • dingusOPEnglish
    1·
    21 hours ago

    I’ve honestly thought the same thing for a number of years. If you look into the research, antidepressants are consistently only marginally better than placebo. Moods change over time in general and with different environmental factors. So obviously at some point your mood improves, aided by placebo.

    Despite me not really believing in them, psych meds are have been part of my journey. I hate that people think that I am not trying things and giving them a fair shot. I desperately am and continue to do so. It’s just that my life hasn’t really changed in a positive way. I really, sincerely try. Like with my therapy, I take extensive notes and do my best to utilize the techniques they give me. I even had the opportunity to use some successfully this past Friday! But it only seems to help sometimes despite me trying so hard.

    I will say that I don’t think psych meds are totally bunk in certain specific scenarios. People with severe biological/organic derangements like schizophrenia and bipolar 1 disorder do massively benefit from psychiatric medications.

    But the difference is that with these conditions, we are giving very high dosages of very powerful antipsychotic medications. Outside of that, the human mind doesn’t seem to operate that way. The previous thought about depression caused by chemical deficiency in serotonin has been disproven.

    My issues are episodic and intermittent, making a lot of this stuff harder to tackle and “treat”.

    • I_Has_A_HatEnglish
      2·
      19 hours ago

      I am inherently suspicious of any type of “medicine” that you are instructed to try for 3-4 months and see how you feel on it. That’s absurd. Imagine any physical ailment where they tell you to wait 3-4 months to see if it gets better.

      That’s time. That’s all it is. Time. If I give you an ointment for a sprained ankle and tell you that after 4 months it will be healed; as long as you continue to also ice it, and rest it, and do all the other things you are supposed to do with a sprained ankle. Guess what? That ointment didn’t do shit. Time and basic self care did.

      Except with long term depression, time and self-care just aren’t going to cut it. But you are expected to just keep trying new “medications” for months at a time.