My partner and I had our second a few weeks ago and I received a number of 100% genuine (and appreciated) “have fun with the kiddo” and “enjoy this time while it lasts” messages and you know what? I fucking hate the newborn phase.
Lack of sleep makes me angry, and the entire newborn phase is a red tinted haze of fury. Here i am in the middle of the GODDAMN night rocking this fucking potato for 45 fucking minutes and it’s just staring at me without blinking having the time of its goddamn life. My fucking feet hurt, I’m getting fat because food is the only thing that brings me the tiniest flicker of happiness, my partner is frankly a raging bitch and I’m sure I am in return, the toddler loses his mind at the drop of a hat, and I’m supposed to enjoy it?
Nothing about this is enjoyable. I hate every fucking second and I can’t wait to sleep train this goddamn barnacle who I CAN’T EVEN HELP CALM BECAUSE I’M NOT THE ONE BREAST FEEDING and I guess that means the only person the baby will relax with is mom. Being helpful and competent are core aspects of my self image, and this mindless sack of shit has robbed me of that.
I’m so fucking tired.
Honestly, i hate kids in general… i have 2, one that is 9 and the other is 4. I really really tried to keep it 1, but i failed. If i knew it was going to happen ultimately I would have had the 2nd way sooner because one thing that sucks more than having 2 kids is having them 5 years apart. Starting over was brutal and i cant even comprehend how people have another kid when their first is a teenager or about to turn 18!
Anyway, the only difference I find crazy here is that I actually liked the 1st year the most until they are about 5 years old. I felt like the first 6 months of the year is mostly just sleeping for the kid and wherever you put the kid it has no choice in the matter! Age 2 and 3 just felt like absolute chaos of them running around and being to young to understand or care that they are giant dickheads… I have people tell me to cherish these moments as well or i liked they said you will think so differently once you have the kid and you will understand. I tell them now that I am still waiting for that life changing moment you said I would have. As bad as this sounds, yes i do love them and do everything for them, but I wouldnt be honest if I didnt say I really can’t wait until they are functioning adults already. My biggest fear is they won’t be and at that point I have no idea what I will do… (i should mention my oldest also has a lot of issues which are close to autism despite not having the official diagnosis of it).