I take full responsibility for assaulting my life partner, but therein, I am not the cause. I am schizoaffective n autistic and I have meltdowns that my narcissistic life partner goads out of me by manipulating and lying me out of compassion, and I say that knowing narcissists attract each other, especially those of us who work with the CIA. It’s complicated, but he’s healing me as the only way to rise out of my anger is to be given chances to resist it. He is a skilled Buddhist, obviously. I just dabble in the occult.