I grew up with cystic fibrosis (obviously I still have it too) not suicidal so it was more the entire world telling me I was going to die and have no future not me telling myself that and I think it hits different. If you really have no expectation of being alive long term it’s not just that you don’t know, don’t make plans, it’s also that you don’t dream. The future wasn’t for me I never thought about what I wanted or hoped for out of life, what education you might want to pursue, what job you might like, if you might get married or have a child one day, what makes you happy outside of the present and temporary, it’s all forbidden fruit. It’s not even that you don’t think about it but if you do it hurts, it’s dangerous, that’s not for you.
Idk, I feel like there’s a difference between living your life on the gallows, either because you’re disabled or because your suicidal, that’s more final, more futile, than being a person who’s just clueless or not figuring things out - I had nothing to figure out, I was a dead woman walking and everyone including me knew it.
I’m only still here because I had a double lung transplant, lived in the ICU for six months and worked through years of slow and painful recovery only to realize the life I’m living now has absolutely no foundation or direction because I’m really really not supposed to be alive.
I’m really glad you guys decided to stick around, and welcome to the club where everyone has zero clue about what to do but tries not to stress too much about it…
Most of us didn’t grow up suicidal and we still don’t know, either.
I grew up with cystic fibrosis (obviously I still have it too) not suicidal so it was more the entire world telling me I was going to die and have no future not me telling myself that and I think it hits different. If you really have no expectation of being alive long term it’s not just that you don’t know, don’t make plans, it’s also that you don’t dream. The future wasn’t for me I never thought about what I wanted or hoped for out of life, what education you might want to pursue, what job you might like, if you might get married or have a child one day, what makes you happy outside of the present and temporary, it’s all forbidden fruit. It’s not even that you don’t think about it but if you do it hurts, it’s dangerous, that’s not for you.
Idk, I feel like there’s a difference between living your life on the gallows, either because you’re disabled or because your suicidal, that’s more final, more futile, than being a person who’s just clueless or not figuring things out - I had nothing to figure out, I was a dead woman walking and everyone including me knew it.
I’m only still here because I had a double lung transplant, lived in the ICU for six months and worked through years of slow and painful recovery only to realize the life I’m living now has absolutely no foundation or direction because I’m really really not supposed to be alive.
Wow… but, now that you are alive, do you find it hard to dare to hope? How long ago did you have the transplant?
I was gonna comment this.
I’m really glad you guys decided to stick around, and welcome to the club where everyone has zero clue about what to do but tries not to stress too much about it…