TW: Self hate, and maybe suicide ?
I rarely go out but I thought I would for getting some books in person yesterday. There is a bookstore in the mall and its crowded in weekends. Since its a mall it has mirrors all over the place, why does seeing myself trigger this deep self hatred ? it’s almost as if I am ashamed to exist ? I cried and just laid in bed for a while and couldn’t eat anything for the rest of the day. This was the worse ‘Episode’ ever and I have never had something this worse before. Is there a way I can stop it from getting worse ?
It’s important you know, especially if you are young, that you are currently immersed in a mental environment so toxic, that if you felt good most of the time it would indicate that something is wrong with you.
I know nothing about your life, so I really have little to offer, other than that: it is normal to feel terrible when the world is in the state that it is currently in. Many would say you have to get on with it, and they’re right on a certain level, but you can’t suppress reality 100% of the time.
If was really presuming to help you, we would have to talk a lot and kinda figure out the root of this self-disdain, cause there is something at the bottom of it, and spoiler, I AM 100% positive that someone else put it there, one way or another.