Hello, I have a big problem that interferes with every aspect of my life. And I want to ask you all if you experience this too and/or you have any ideas on how to improve this behavior?
The Problem
When I do anything interesting, or anything that just isn’t completely boring, I can’t stop when it’s time to stop and start the doing the next thing. I always think, something like “Just five minutes more” and then I sometimes finish hours later than I had planned. This breaks all time-sensitive plans and also causes me to go to sleep far too late.
I don’t think that its simple procrastination, because what I feel when I do it, is not about not wanting to start the next thing, but about not wanting to stop the current thing.
List of things I already do / have already tried
- Setting up alarms that remind me that I need to stop doing the current thing and start doing the next thing
- Creating schedules
- Configuring the Wifi Router to turn of at certain times: This is very effective (when I have taken out my SIM card before), but its only helping with cutting the wifi at the end of the day for bedtime, not other time sensitive tasks that are necessary to even enable me to sleep on time (like eating dinner early enough)
- Buffer time: Most of the time I can’t get my self to view the buffer deadline as the actual deadline
- Reading books about habits: I read some books about habits, but these books are mostly about starting an activity, or don’t starting an activity at all, but I need to do certain things, and stop doing them on time.
- This list is probably incomplete
I completely understand what you’re going through.
The one thing that concerns me is that you keep setting reminders, and completely ignoring them. Lord knows I’ve started playing a game and suddenly realized it was 10 hours later, but when the reminder goes off, you must obey it.
You set the timers because YOU WANT yourself to be on time. When the reminder goes off, you’re saying past me was wrong, I’ll do what I want. Future you eventually realizes past you was right all along and you repeat the cycle.
I think you need to make the choice to follow your own rules. Set reminders early and often. Give yourself a 15 minute warning so you can find a good point to stop what you’re doing. When the next alarm goes off 15 minutes later, you shut it down no matter what.
Living with this is not easy, but it only gets harder when you sabotage yourself.
I experience the same problem. I am a grown ass woman and functional in most areas of my life. I deliver my freelance projects on time. I’ve studied in the university and finished all the assignments. I keep animals and plants alive. I’ve raised a child. But something in my brain compels me, absolutely compels me, to ignore the good advice I give myself at least some of the time and binge on something - can be different things from substance to activities to mind obsessions. While being completely aware that ‘it only gets harder when you sabotage yourself’. And that is what the whole ADHD issue comes from. That you can’t will away the executive dysfunction.
So it’s good for you that you manage to obey the reminder, but not really possible that easily for many people. Besides being aware that you want this for yourself (this does help me as well when I remember to remember it), what else would you say contributes to you being successful in this?