Like what biological function thinks it’s helpful to want to die? It’s a visceral reaction so it has to be a kind of biological intuition.

I’ve got it so bad off of something that is seemingly not worth this reaction. But I can’t shake it anyway. But if this sense is biological, then it can cascade beyond reason like an allergic reaction.

I went to a board game night with some folks who are mostly acquaintances. I show up and a group is already starting to figure out a game and it looked like the easiest group to join. This game is bad. I was chill. My teammate was chill. The people we were playing with were chill. But this game was so bad I can’t shake the fact that despite everyone having made the best of it, this was not a good social interaction. And I just feel bad. More bad than I should feel. It’s just painful.

The game was Jurassic Park Danger! And maybe I just need to tell someone. I’m not going to do anything. I don’t need a wellness check. But I can’t shake this feeling like death would be ok and maybe for the best.

What is it about bad social interactions that make us feel like death is preferable?