Highly specific question, I know.
When people compliment me, I genuinely don’t know what to do. It feels like they’ve given me a physical object, and I’m just standing there holding it awkwardly, but I don’t know what to do with it.
Complements and praise does nothing for me emotionally, so I just say “thank you”; in the same way you thank a kid that handed you a rock they found on the ground.
Like, I appreciate the sentiment — as in, I know they’re trying to be nice or something, so it doesn’t bother me. It’s just one of many small things that makes social stuff a bit harder. For example, I probably don’t give out any complements to other people, because it doesn’t occur to me as an important thing to do. I’m sure this has many effects in my life I’m not aware of.
I can relate. I mean, I think it’s supposed to feel good, but it doesn’t seem wo work for us.
Maybe it’s the decoupling from the social groups because of so much negative feedback or maybe it’s because the things I receive a praise for is totally not what I would praise but inherent, logical doings.
But what should I say, were often watching people do stupid antisocial things which would cost no effort to do right and social (eg parking your shit scooter well) yet they don’t.
Maybe it’s that gap/rift why praise also doesn’t hit.
I wonder if you’re onto something with that. Maybe we’re “trained” in a sense to detach ourselves from the social feedback ecosystem. As kids we never did things “right”, and never got positive feedback. Personally, I had a really rough time while growing up, so I can attest to that, but I’m only one person.
I have interviewed people about it, and they told me that they “get a warm fuzzy feeling inside” when they’re praised or complemented, which is interesting. I’m guessing it’s a similar feeling as when you have a nice hot shower or eat your favourite food.
When people appreciate my efforts, for me it’s like a feedback form saying “Jane liked this.” I pride myself on doing a good job, so I can sometimes use it as a measurement of success. For example, if I make coffee for someone, I’ll often make small tweaks and note their reaction so I can make the best possible coffee.
But when people complement me personally, or something I don’t care about, it doesn’t land at all. For example, if I play the piano, I do it for myself, I don’t really care if others like it. I’ll note it down in case it’s relevant, but it hardly ever is.
If I learned anything on my (incomplete) journey to get diagnosed it’s that diagnostics (by NT) are still completely lacking and only seeing the obvious, being completely mislead by those of us who are atypical.
So I’d say those of us are (far) more knowledgeable than the current average knowledge about being Autist and the circumstances than the medical field/psychology. Also therapy of course.
So on the end I hope for the future at some point we will be far more included in this and hence the deeper issues can finally be included and being worked on.
In this field imo we’re still at the point like in the medical field when women were just handled as smaller men, with the man as reference. We have a different foundation. The less obviously ‘disabled’ we are, the more devious the damages of us simply adapting are.
Hm, maybe I should do a Ted talk.