I know I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry I did. But it was lying on the floor next to the bed, and I guess she forgot to put it up.
I opened it, and now I’m very worried about her. In her personal life, she’s a jester. She’s always so joyful with everyone around her.
Well, in her diary, every entry I looked at, even the most recent one, is about how profoundly depressed she is, and how she wants to kill herself, but for one reason or another is too afraid to do so. Even entries from years ago are like this. It seems like she’s felt this way for years, maybe even most of her life.
She gives all kinds of reasons why, from money/probably never being able to own a home (we’re poor), to just general feelings of being “tired of life”.
I had no idea. I don’t think anyone does besides me. I’m freaking out while I wait for her to come home this evening.
Now that I know, how the hell do I bring it up? Wtf do you do when you know this kind of info and can’t tell her how you do?
Prepare for helping her. Put the fact you read the diary aside, for now. Your marriage comes second to her life.
Talk to mental health service providers or free professional services (like help lines) that you can start unraveling what to do next that’s achievable for when you are able to have the conversation about her depression. But most of all remember she needs to go through the acceptance stage and move to seeking help, it’s her journey to recover, not yours, just be there and support her however you can.