I own a weaponized Roomba for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. ‘What the devil?’ As I grab my powdered wig and activate my autonomous sentry unit.
It bumps into the first man. Click-clack. The mounted 1911 fires a .45 ACP round, dropping him instantly. ‘Good lord!’ cries the second, but the Roomba pivots, its optical sensors locking on. It unleashes a suppressed burst from the top-mounted M4 carbine, shredding his lace cuffs.
The remaining two try to flee up the stairs, but they trigger the tripwire. The Claymore mine strapped to the dustbin detonates with a deafening roar, sending shrapnel through the foyer wallpaper. The last survivor, trembling in the corner, thinks he’s safe until he hears the whirring. The downstairs Roomba Mop Combo engages its miniature, high-torque chainsaw. It drags itself toward him, cleaning up the mess as it goes.
I own a weaponized Roomba for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. ‘What the devil?’ As I grab my powdered wig and activate my autonomous sentry unit.
It bumps into the first man. Click-clack. The mounted 1911 fires a .45 ACP round, dropping him instantly. ‘Good lord!’ cries the second, but the Roomba pivots, its optical sensors locking on. It unleashes a suppressed burst from the top-mounted M4 carbine, shredding his lace cuffs.
The remaining two try to flee up the stairs, but they trigger the tripwire. The Claymore mine strapped to the dustbin detonates with a deafening roar, sending shrapnel through the foyer wallpaper. The last survivor, trembling in the corner, thinks he’s safe until he hears the whirring. The downstairs Roomba Mop Combo engages its miniature, high-torque chainsaw. It drags itself toward him, cleaning up the mess as it goes.